General:
Leaps over tall buildings in a single bound, is more powerful than a locomotive,
is faster than a speeding bullet, walks on water, and gives policy to God.
Colonel:
Leaps over short buildings in a single bound, is more powerful than a switch
engine, is just as fast as a speeding bullet, walks on water if sea is calm,
and talks to God.
Lieutenant Colonel:
Leaps over short buildings with a running start and a favorable wind, is almost
as powerful as a switch engine, is as fast as a speeding b-b, walks on water
in an indoor pool, and talks to God if special request is approved.
Major:
Barely clears quonset huts, loses tug-of-war with locomotives, can fire a speeding
bullet, swims well, and is occassionally addressed by God.
Captain:
Makes high marks when trying to leap buildings, is run over by locomotives,
can someimes handle a weapon without inflicting self-injury, can doggie-paddle,
and talks to animals.
First Lieutenant:
Runs into buildings, recognizes locomotives two out of three times, is not issued
ammunition, can stay afloat if properly instructed, and talks to water.
Second Lieutenant:
Falls over doorsills when trying to enter buildings, says "look at the
choo-choo," wets himself with a water pistol, and mumbles to himself.
An NCO: Lifts building and then walks under them, kicks locomotives off the
track, catches speeding bullets in his teeth, and chews them, and freezes water
in a speeding glance. He is God.