Earthquake watch During the 1970s, I served as an Infantry ossifer at Ft. Wainwright, AK. One night, when I had pulled Staff Duty Officer duty, I was making a routine tour of the barracks. In one barrack, the CQ (Charge of Quarters, the NCO in charge of the place when everyone else was gone) was staring at a filled goldfish bowl. He had an M2 artillery compass open on the desk....
Identifying Reindeer in Flight ADDENDUM TO MCM 3-1 VOL 2, CHAPTER 6: FIGHTER AIRCRAFT AND ARMAMENT...
Desert navigation When my brother was in a cetain unit in the IDF that shall remain nameless, they had what is known as a company drill - where a whole company navigates in the desert from A to B....
Basic Rules of Flying The three most common expressions in aviation are, "Why is it doing that?","Where are we?" and "Sh*t!"...
Navy joke Back in the late 60's my old boat was at Annapolis showing the middies the wonders of the long black beast often referred to as a submarine. Due to the draft of the boat, we had to anchor out in deeper water and take a launch in to shore....
The 10 Commandments of Helicopter Flight I He who inspecteth not his aircraft giveth his angels cause to concern him ...
Dumb Newfy What would you do if a newfy through a grenade at you?...
Voices A phychiatric board was testing the mentality of a soldier.
Do you ever hear voices without telling where its coming from? he asked.
"Yes sir"
A nd when dos this occur?
W hen i answer the telephone....
The best submarines It's the year 2003 An American, a Russian and a German are standing at the sea shore, arguing about who builds the best submarines. The Russian says "Our subs are so advanced they can stay submerged for three months at a stretch". The American replies "That's nothing. Our subs can dive from the north pole right to the Antarctis without ever surfacing". Suddenly you hear strange sounds, a sub surfaces nearby, a bearded man gets out of the hatch, salutes and shouts "Heil Hitler! Is the war over already?"...
Cavalry axioms/humor Regarding use of the saber, "Always go for the horse, never the man"....
Five Levels of "War is Hell" To the Marines; "Damn Army's shelling us again! War is Hell!"...
Military Enngineer's Axiom There is no situation in the human condition that can not be solved through a properly sized, shaped, packed, placed, timed and detonated charge of high explosive....
The Rookie Cop ::: Military jokes and humor daily...
A Marine Salute At a Marine Corps Ball... a salute was given... ...
Military Survival Rules "Aim towards the enemy." - Instruction printed on U.S. Army rocket launcher ...
Joke Sandia Base weapons school, 1962. Our competent 1st sgt went on leave, and my (NoCivilianOccupation) platoon sgt took over. A few mornings later I had laundry detail, then went to class. I was about the 1st back to the barracks and found a note on my bed to report to the orderly room. Sgt starts chewing me out for not being in the room cleaning that morning, I was to see the CO for 14 & 2 (2 hours extra duty for 14 days). Pointed out that he was one who assigned me to yhe laundry detail! Leaving his office the rest of the 3 work details were coming in with little slips of paper. I loadly announced that we were to have 14 & 2 for being on assigned work details. No, none of us saw the CO or got extra duty. Sgt was very careful with orders etc until the regular 1st sgt got back....
Who's In Charge? Q: What's the difference between a Pfc. and a 2nd Lt.?...
Military Warning Labels "Aim towards the Enemy." -Instruction printed on US Rocket Launcher...
Shoot Shoot first, shoot later, shoot again, then when everyones dead, try to ask a question or two...
Pentagon: Pepsi ad 'not the real thing' Says Pepsi can't buy Harrier...
Top 10 ways to make your platoon hate you 10. Making your platoon fail inspection because you were in your pjs.
9. Taking all the beer on base for yourself.
8. Causing the US army to lose the war.
7. Swapping the platoons hair shampoo with super glue.
6. Moving their tents into the middle of a minefield and leaving a note saying you did it.
5. Sending them into combat in their underwear. (how embarassing!)
4. Intentionally putting vodka in all of their canteens.
3. Replacing their regular uniforms with Nazi uniforms.(Also good for getting arrested.)
2. Not hitting your targets at shooting practice.

And now the number one way to make your platoon hate you!

1. Accidentally shooting your M203 at your platoon. This is absolutely positively sure to make yoou EXTREMELY unpopular with whats left of your platoon!! ...
Why read your flight supplement? Here's another one from the wacky minds of our Military controllers at Namao. A bit of Background is in order: CFB Edmonton (Namao) is a military field just outside of Edmonton. All aircraft touching down at Namao require a PPR (Prior Permission Request) number, and have to recite it to the controller at first contact. Our flying club is civilian/military, and all our aircraft have permanent PPR's. ...
A Sappers tale A Sapper left his barracks one Friday afternoon. But instead of going home, he stayed out the entire weekend drinking with the boys and spending his entire weeks pay! When he finally appeared at home, Sunday night, he was confronted by his very angry wife who went berserk at him for nearly two hours with a tirade of his actions. Finally his wife stopped the nagging and simply said to him. "How would you like it if you didn't see me for two or three days?"
To which he replied: "That would be fine with me."
Monday went by and he didn't see his wife. Tuesday and Wednesday came and went with the same results. Thursday, the swelling went down just enough where he could see her a little out of the corner of his left eye. ...
Communication Breakdown... The reason the Army, Navy, Air Force, and Marines squabble among themselves is that they don't speak the same language. For example, take a simple phrase like, "Secure the building."...
It was the age when knighthood was in flower. It was the age when knighthood was in flower. A young lady was pounding away at a piece of iron with a sledgehammer. Another young lady saw her and asked, "What are you doing?"
The first one answered, "I'm making socks and sweater for some soldier boy!" ...
Physical Fitness THIS HEADQUARTERS REQUIRES NO PHYSICAL FITNESS PROGRAM.
Everyone here gets enough exercise: ...
Airborne school A drill instructor at Airborne school was lecturing a group of new troops on making a proper jump. He told them: "When I yell Stand Up, you Stand Up. When I yell hook up, you hook up. When you go out the door, yell 'Geronimo!' and wait for your shoot to open. Got It? Good, get in the plane." After a short flight he yelled "Stand UP! Hook UP!" and began shoving the troops out the door. Just after the last trooper exited, the sergeant shut the door. Suddenly, he heard someone knocking on the door. He opened it to see a private flapping his arms trying to imitate a seagull. The private looked him in the eye and asked What did you say that SOB's name was?...
To all those who are Security Officers. Additional Training. (a) It is now, and will be even more so in the future, the policies of any company to assure its Security Officers are well trained. Through our SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TRAINING program, (S.H.I.T for short. If any Security Officers feel that he does not receive enough S.H.I.T. on the job, or that he or she could advance to another position by taking more S.H.I.T. contact your supervisor/manager. ...
AVOID THE REAL WORLD, JOIN THE TA! Afraid to finish school?
Can't make friends?
Can't find a job?
Still living in your mother's basement?
Reg forces kick you out?
Ego problem? ...
Military Medical Clinic During a visit to a military medical clinic, I was sent to the lab to have blood drawn. The technician there was friendly and mentioned that his mood improved every day because he was due to leave the service in two months. As he applied the tourniquet on my arm, he told me that taking the blood wouldn't hurt much. Then, noticing my Air Force T-shirt he asked me what my husband did. When I replied that he was a recruiter, the techniciansmiled slyly and said, "This might hurt a little more than I thought."...
NOTIFICATION OF COMPULSORY ENLISTMENT Under the Emergency Powers Act (1939) as amended by the Defence Act (1978), you are hereby notified that you are required to place yourself on standby for possible compulsory military service in the Iraq Conflict. ...

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