Navy Overload: You refer to the family car as the "liberty boat"....
A captain and several of his officers were returning to the ship after a long evening ashore. As they climbed the gangway the Captain threw up all over himself. Pointing to a seaman above him he shouted, "Give that man five days in the brig for vomiting!" The following morning the captain was checking the log and saw that the young seaman had been sentenced to ten days and asked the chief mate why. "Well Sir, when we got you undressed we found that he`d also crapped in your pants." ...
Extracts from the Military Regulations: If the room temperature rises above 27 degrees during the night, the soldier has to roll up his sleeves four times....
Q&A Q: Does the Army help to become independent?
A: I don't know, but I will ask the sarge....
First jump The young parachutists have to jump from a plane for the first time. The sarge takes every single one to the airlock and pushes him out. There is just one who makes every attempt to resist, but finally the sarge manages to throw him out. ...
Four Dogs ::: Military humor & jokes...
PLAIN LANGUAGE A Navy destroyer far off shore met a small yacht. The owner of the yacht hailed the destroyer: "Where do I have to go to get to the island of Catalina?"

"West by north by half a north sixty degrees, SE," the navigator obliged him with information.

"Couldn't you say it without science, in plain language and in a word?" remarked angrily the amateur seafarer. "Better just point!"...
The Herc and the F-15s ::: Military humor & jokes...
How To Win Friends and Influence People, Army Style The following statements appeared in the August 1993 issue of "PS Magazine" (pg 9), the Army's magazine of preventive maintenace:

"A slipping sear could let your M203 grenade launcher fire when you least expect it. That would make you quite unpopular in what's left of your unit." ...
Jet fighter and B-52 A military pilot called for a priority landing because his single-engine jet fighter was running "a bit peaked". ...
Headhunters ::: Military humor and jokes...
THE ORIGIN OF OFFICER RANK AND INSIGNIA ::: Military humor and jokes...
RULES OF ENGAGEMENT IN TODAY'S ARMY ::: Military humor and jokes...
Died in the service One Sunday morning, the pastor noticed little Alex was staring up at the large plaque that hung in the foyer of the church. The plaque was covered with names, and small American flags were mounted on either side of it.

The seven-year old had been staring at the plaque for some time, so the pastor walked up, stood beside the boy, and said quietly, "Good morning Alex."

"Good morning pastor," replied the young man, still focused on the plaque.

"Pastor McGhee, what is this?" Alex asked.

"Well, son, it's a memorial to all the young men and women who died in the service."

Soberly, they stood together, staring at the large plaque. Little Alex's voice was barely audible when he asked, "Which service, the 9:15 or the 10:45? ...
Punker and the Old Gunny Marine... A young punker gets on a cross-town bus. He has spiked, multi-colored hair that is green, purple and orange.

His clothing is a tattered mix of leather rags, no shoes. His entire face and body are riddled with pierced jewelry and his earrings are big bright feathers.

He takes the only vacant seat across from a seasoned, uniformed, Marine Gunnery Sergeant who just glares at him for the next 10 miles.

Finally the punk gets self-conscious and barks at the Gunny, "What the hell are you looking at you old fart? Didn't you ever do anything wild when you were young?"

Without missing a beat the Gunny looks him with a cold, gray, piercing death-look and says, "Yeah shit-head. Back when I was a young Marine, I got really drunk one night in China and had sex with a parrot. I thought maybe you were my son."
...
Promoted An Admiral retired after 35 years and realized a life-long dream of buying a bird-hunting estate in Maine. He invited an old friend to visit for a week of pheasant-shooting. The friend was in awe of the Admiral's new bird dog, "Chief". The dog could point, flush and retrieve with the very best, and the friend offered to buy the dog at any price. The Admiral declined, saying that Chief was the very best bird dog he had ever owned and that he wouldn't part with him at any price.
A year later the same friend returned for another week of hunting and was surprised to find the Admiral breaking in a new dog. "What happened to ole Chief?" he asked.
"Had to shoot him," grumbled the Admiral. "A friend came to hunt with me and couldn't remember the dog's name. He kept calling him Captain. After that, all he would do was sit on his ass and bark."...
A Freeloaders Last Request Once upon a time there was a veteran who never joined any organizations. All his life, he took benefits and entitlements won for him by veterans' organizations.
He had a l0-point preference, a G.I. Home Loan, he had gone to school on the G.I. Bill. Veteran' Unemployment even got him a job, among other thing but still he refused to join.
On his death bed he told his wife, "Please do something for me. I want to be buried in the National Cemetery, have a Military marker, and I want a veteran's organization to provide an Honor Guard and bury me and be my pallbearers."
"But you've never belonged to any veterans' organizations," his wife explained. "Why do you want them to be pallbearers?"
"Dear," he replied, "They carried me this far, they might as well carry me the rest of the way. ...
IF AIRCRAFT WERE VIRUSES ::: Military humor and jokes...
War is Hell ::: Military humor and jokes...
Russian Army joke A guy comes to the military enlistment office.
He is asked:
"What would you like to be?"
He responds:
"A pilot."
So they decide to help the guy and send him to study flying, But he fails. And he comes tothe military enlistment office again:
"Sorry, but you can`t be a pilot any more. Select another variant."
The guy thinks and speaks:
"So I want to be in the air defence(AD)."
"Why AD?"
"If I can`t fly, nobody will fly!"...
Our Air National guard unit conducted weapons-qualifying at the firing range. We had been issued our last round of ammo and were firing at the silhouettes, when a great gust of wind ripped the targets from their frames, and they fluttered away...
Lower Manhattan, year 2032 A father is walking with his son around the year 2032 in lower Manhattan. As they explore the area the father explains to his son about the grandeur of the buildings and take on the sites. Suddenly they come to a beautiful park and plaza. The son is so excited at the beautiful park and monuments and asks his Dad: "What are these monuments for?"
The father replies: "This park is dedicated to honour the Twin Towers and the memory of the people of New York."
"What are the Twin Towers?" asks the son.
Dad replies: "They were two very large 110 story buildings which stood here nearly 30 years until Arab Terrorists destroyed them."
"Dad, what is an arab?"...
Failed Afghan Recruiting Posters: 1. "Be Allah you can be"
2. "Aim Low"
3. "An Army of None"
4. "The Few....................................."
5. "Martyrs have more fun"
6. "Vigins....we got Virgins!!"
7. "Free Camoflage Turbans....sign up today!"
8. "Uncle oSAMa wants you"...
Words for Next Year's Dictionary ::: Military humor and jokes...
Some TALIBAN ONE-LINER JOKES Q:Why does Osama always carry a piece of shit in his pocket?
A: It's his photo ID ...
First Annual Kabul Air Show Scheduled ::: Military humor and jokes...
Weather Report
Weather today in Kabul, AfghanistanMostly Sunny with patchy mushroom clouds later this afternoon.
Highs in the upper 900 to 1200 degrees
Winds out of the "West" at 350 to 600 miles per hour
Tomorrow's forecast - Not Applicable
This weather forecast is brought to you by your United States Military,
Good day ...
Ways To Annoy Osama Bin Laden Point out the lice in his beard to make him feel self-conscious.
Pause for a moment, listen carefully, and say, "Doesn't that sound a lot like a B-52?" ...
50 Least-Known Facts About Saddam Hussein Hasn’t actually read the Koran, but has definitely skimmed the Cliff’s Notes several times. ...
Instead of Killing bin Laden Absolutely the best suggestion on what to do with bin Laden so far : ...
The Moral Question Here's a moral question for you.
This is an imaginary situation, but I think you will find it beneficial to think through this exercise.
The situation: You are in the Middle East, and there is a huge flood in progress. Many homes have been lost, water supplies compromised and structures destroyed.
You're a freelance photographer for a news service, you're traveling alone, looking for particularly poignant scenes that you can shoot.
You come across Osama Bin Ladeen who has been swept away by the floodwaters. He is barely hanging on to a tree limb and is about to go under.
You have to make a choice. You can either put down your camera and save him, or take a Pulitzer Prize winning photograph of him as he loses his grip on the limb. ...

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