Scenario: A PFC is walking down the road to a porta potty and is confronted
with a 10 year old boy in enemy territory pointing a gun at him.
1. The soldier will request permission to fire from his platoon sergeant.
2. The platoon sergeant will ask the plt leader.
3. The plt leader will ask the company commander. The CO will call the battalion
commander and ask for permission to fire.
4. The Bn Cdr will call the Bde Cdr to get permission to fire.
5. The Bde Cdr will call division and speak to a person in the G3 shop.
6. The G3 personnel will immediately start working on a slide presentation in
powerpoint to present to the CG on his options.
7. The slides will first be briefed to the Chief of Staff and will be sent back
for revisions.
8. After 90 different versions have been completed, the Chief of Staff will
finally approve the slides.
9. The CG will be presented slide presentation and will call Corps to ask the
corps commander for permission to fire.
10. The G3 staff will fax a copy of the presentation to the corps G3 who will
in turn ask for a copy to be sent by courier because the first copy got sent
to the wrong fax number.
11. The poor captain who sent the fax to corps will be given a bad OER because
he should have known that the fax number given to him by a colonel at corps
was the wrong number.
12. Corps G3 finally receives the slide presentation and has his staff work
on a corps presentation to give to the corps commander.
13. The corps commander is briefed, accepts his staffs proposal that the soldier
should fire back, but has to call the Army commander to get permission.
14. The Army commander asks the corps commander to fax him all the information
he has on the incident and he will get back to him.
15. The Army commander never receives the information.
16. Division is notified that the information did not reach Army so that poor
captain with the bad OER is ordered to fax a copy of the slides to Army, the
Pentagon, and the White House.
17. The Army commander finally receives the slides and says he will have to
call the Army group commander for permission to fire.
18. The Army Group commander listens to the Army commander then tells him that
he will have to call the Pentagon to get permission to fire.
19. The Army Group Commander calls the Pentagon and speaks with the Chairman
of the Joint Chiefs. The Chairman wants to know why some know-nothing captain
from a division in theater is faxing a 200 page slide presentation to him and
the president.
20. The Army Group commander tells the Chairman he will find out.
21. The Army Group commander calls the Army commander and asks why Captain Know-Nothing
is faxing slides to the Pentagon and the White House. 22. The Army commander
calls the corps commander and asks the same question.
23. The corps commander gets personally involved and calls directly to the division's
G3 shop and asks to speak to CPT Know-Nothing.
24. CPT Know-Nothing is given another bad OER and is reassigned to sewage control
in a prisoner of war camp.
25. The Army group commander informs the Chairman that the problem is taken
care of.
26. The Chairman tells the Army Group commander that he will get back to him
after he holds a meeting with all of the service chiefs.
27. During the meeting, the Air Force and Navy Chiefs decide they want a part
in this decision now code-named "Operation Return Fire"
28. The Chairman agrees to allow the Air Force to send two tactical fighter
wings and 10 B-52s from Diego Garcia. The Chairman allows the Navy to send in
5 carrier battle groups and 3 Marine divisions. On top of all of this, the Chairman
tells the service chiefs that the Army will send in two more corps, five brigades
of Artillery and an armored cavalry regiment. Furthermore he will ask the Secretary
of defense if 500,000 Reservist and National Guardsmen can be called up.
29. The Chairman takes all of these proposals to the Secretary of Defense who
agrees and tells the Chairman to prepare a briefing for the President. 30. A
colonel stays up for a week straight preparing briefing slides and charts for
the President's briefing.
31. The day of the briefing, the light bulb burns out in the White House's projector
and the colonel who worked his butt off to set up this briefing loses the command
he was going to take over this summer and is forced to retire because he should
have known that the light bulb would burn out.
32. Eventually a lieutenant colonel locates a light bulb and he is promoted
to colonel and is offered a command this summer that suddenly becomes open.
33. The president approves Operation Return Fire, but first he wants to get
"eyes on the target"
34. Navy Seal Team 6 is dispatched to the area. Upon reaching the location where
the soldier reported the contact, they find the decomposed body of a dead American
PFC, still clutching a hand mike to his ear, looking as if he is waiting for
a response to whatever question he asked.
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