The Navy and the Air Force decided to have a canoe race on the Potomac River.
Both teams practiced hard and long to reach their peak performance before the
race. On the big day, the Navy won by a mile. Afterwards, the Air Force team
became very discouraged and depressed. The officers of the Air Force team decided
that the reason for the crushing defeat had to be found.
A "Metrics Team," made up of senior officers was formed to investigate
and recommend appropriate action. Their conclusion was that the Navy had 8 seamen
rowing and 1 officer steering, while the Air Force had 1 airman rowing and 8
officers and NCOs steering.
So the senior officers of the Air Force team hired a consulting company and
paid them incredible amounts of money. They advised that too many people were
steering the boat and not enough people were rowing.
To prevent losing to the Navy again the next year, the Air Force Chief of Staff
made historic and sweeping changes: the rowing team's organizational structure
was totally realigned to 4 steering officers, 3 area steering superintendents
and 1 assistant superintendent steering NCO.
They also implemented a new performance system that would give the 1 airman
rowing the boat greater incentive to work harder. It was called the "Air
Force Rowing Team Quality Program", with meetings, dinners, and a three-day
pass for the rower. "We must give the rower empowerment and enrichment
through this quality program."
The next year the Navy won by 2 miles.
Humiliated, the Air Force leadership gave a letter of reprimand to the rower
for poor performance. Initiated a $4 billion program for development of a new
joint-service canoe, blamed the loss on a design defect in the paddles, and
issued career continuation bonuses and leather rowing jackets to the beleaguered
steering officers in the hopes they would stay for next year's race.
Meanwhile, the Army team is still trying to figure out why the oars keep making
divots in the grass when they're rowing.