You would like to outlaw air, as a medium for the transmission of blasphemy.
Your garage is filled with more napalm canisters than patio chairs.
You can't watch the evening news without getting red in the face and screaming, "LIES! LIES! LIES!"
You call for not only the shedding of blood, but also of lymphocytes and killer T cells.
You forced your children to get "Remember Ruby Ridge" tattoos.
You're prone to long-winded rants that outline your plans to plunge the world into chaos.
Your idea of lawn ornaments is razor wire, a sentry tower, and pits full of bamboo spikes.
You think Red Dawn is a documentary.
You carry an emergency stick of dynamite inside your rectum.
Watching those irresponsible a**holes on C-Span works you into a homicidal lather.
You think Girl Scouts are "extremist swine".
Your pit bull "Osama" was accidentally killed in a game of nail bomb catch.
You've found a warm, supportive group of friends in the Kill-Everyone-Now.com chat room.
Your children started playing with pipe bombs before tinker toys.
You'd admire MacGyver if he weren't such a spineless whore for "The Man".
You think everyone but your mother, the president of COORS, and Chuck Norris is a sub-human pinko liberal.
Your God, whoever that is, is always right and wants you to kill, kill, KILL!
You keep half a ton of fertilizer handy - just in case vengeance really does end up being thine.
Nothing tastes more refreshing than a tall frothy glass of the blood of infidels!
You booby-trapped your double-wide to protect against FBI stormtroopers.
Gary Bauer makes your nipples tingle.
Mein Kampf is sometimes just too laugh-out-loud wacky funny!!
You just renewed your subscription to BETTER BUNKERS AND CANNED-FRUIT GARDENS.
Your wedding dress is a desert-camo print.
You accept all people as equal, except for those who are different.
You know exactly where those illegal 32-round MAC-10 ammo mags are hidden.
You have five years worth of corned beef hash rations.
Your idea of a romantic evening is dinner by burning effigy.
You realize that black ski-masks NEVER go out of fashion.
You sleep better all curled up with a 9mm Glock - fully loaded with Black Talon rounds.
You nicknamed your Ford F-150, "The Black Chariot of Vengeance"!
You gave your girlfriend a set of personalized thumbscrews for Valentine's Day.
You hate the US government because of parking tickets, rock and roll music, and the whole "tax thing".
You often wake up with a nasty hangover and a well-oiled, perfectly cleaned
bolt action rifle in your naked lap.
Your impotence is clearly the fault of "The Man."
At least four books in your personal library are written in goats' blood.
You oppose the NRA because they don't support personal flamethrowers and cruise missiles.
Every time you ask yourself, "What Would Jesus Do?" your answer is, "Kick Ass and Break Heads!"
Your retirement dream involves opening a Branch Davidian BBQ theme-restaurant, with the tag line "Flame-Broiled But Not Forgotten".
You think Timothy McVeigh is a scumbag loser… because he got caught.
Shooting a gun into the sky is your normal response to good news.
You always try to match your socks to the bomb strapped to your chest.
You're considering suicide - but aren't at all depressed
As a child, you played cowboys and infidels.
Your car has a "Martyr on Board" bumper sticker.
You consider even the internal organs shameful and impious.
Getting "bombed" on "kamikaze shots" at that hotel bar gave you "ideas".
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