TOUCHING EXECUTION The hostess at a party rendered a song under title "Oh, My Brave Soldier." She was touched to notice a white-haired man bow his head and weep quietly as the last notes floated over the room.
As soon as she could, she went over to him and said: "Pardon me, you probably were a soldier yourself."
"No, madam," said the elderly man, frisking away a tear, "I am a musician."...
I'm going to eat you. There's a story about a C-124 and an F-4 on intersecting taxiways at Rhein-Main long ago. The F-4 driver asked Ground what the Globemaster's intentions were. It is said that the C-124 pilot opened the clamshell doors in the nose and announced, "I'm going to eat you." ...
Generals Said the officer to the soldier, "Private, why did you salute that refrigerator?"
The soldier replied, "Because it was General Electric."
"And that jeep?" the officer asked.
Replied the soldier, "Because it was General Motors."...
A Major was conducting a field test when communications went dead. Immediately, he jumped into a jeep and ordered a sergeant to speed to the command station.
When major and the sergeant ran in, the group cheered their arrival. The commanding officer then stepped forward and shook major's hand.
"Don't congratulate me, sir," major said modestly as he pointed to his driver. "It was all the sergeant's doing."
The commanding officer nodded and turned to the sergeant. "Congratulations," he said. "The major's wife just had a baby girl."...
A class at the University of Toronto (Canada) was discussing population trends, and they had a chart of Canadian population growth over the last sixty years that they were looking at. Not surprisingly, the highest per capita growth period was in the late 40s after WWII, but for some reason there was a huge growth spike in 1949, of something like several tens of thousands of new Canadians. The students couldn't figure this out. All the soldiers would've been home for a few years at this point, after all. Then, after about ten minutes of puzzling, someone pointed out that, after all, 1949 was the year the province of Newfoundland joined the country, and that that was *probably* where all the new Canadians were coming from....
North ever win a battle A bus driver is conducting a tour of famous Civil War battle sites. "Here," he points out at one spot, "is where the Southern troops routed a whole regiment of Yankees. Over there, the Rebs wiped out a whole platoon of Yanks. Down about a mile, there's another valley where we captured a thousand Union soldiers."

A tourist says, "Didn't the North ever win a battle?"

"Yes ma'am. But not while I'm driving this bus."...
WHISPERED SECRETS Two young officers met.
"You know, Jim, our friend Conrad is in command of some very hush-hush matters...." "Why?"
"He tells everything in whisper." "He's got laryngitis."...
SORRY In the draft days in Los Angeles there was a notice on the door to the draft board: 'OPEN'. A wit added: 'Sorry. WE ARE OPEN'.
...
Lonely Fighter Pilot ::: Military Jokes. Military humor...
222 REASONS TO LOVE YOUR CORPS. United States Marine Corps Birthday: 10 NOVEMBER 1775...
The Marine and the Airman ::: Military Jokes. Military humor...
Interstellar Navigation Sergeant was assigned to teach A., a new and not-too-bright soldier how to navigate by finding the North Star. He did his best, but he could see it wasn't getting through, so he just hoped no-one would test the new guy.

A couple of weeks later, during a long march by night, the sergeant remembers that A. wasn't tested yet. So he halts the platoon and asks, "Private A., where's the North Star?"

Private A. looks hard at the sky for a long time, and finally declares, "We've already passed it, sergeant!"...
It's the Little Things That Count The First Sergeant was inspecting the barracks and he overheard one terrified recruit whisper,
"First Sergeant Powers has the heart of a tiny child . . . on his desk . . . in a jar."

Without missing a beat, First Sergeant Powers snarled, "Damned if they don't find out EVERY little thing about you!" ...
Letter to Peter Pan Dear Peter Pan Peanut Butter Manufacturers...
MARCHING MONTH A drill sergeant who was known as a marching-drill enthusiast was given as a New-Year present a calendar where every month was labeled March....
Building an NCO A lieutenant was out walking one day, and came upon a little boy, playing with a pile of s**t.

"Son, what are you doing?" asked the lieutenant.

"I'm building an NCO," said the boy.

The lieutenant, thinking this was quite funny, returned with his captain, and asked the same question. Again, the boy replied that he was building an NCO.

The captain, also thinking it was funny, went back to the company area, and brought the first sergeant out. Again the question was asked, and the reply was the same.

The first sergeant then asked the boy why he was building an NCO.

The boy replied "Because I don't have enough s**t to make an officer."...
Smartest Enlisted ::: Military Jokes. Military humor...
OFF

After a maintenance inspection in the malfunction report there was the following line: "Above switch doesn't work in OFF position."



SR-71
(Note: FL600 is 60,000 feet)

Pilot: XX center, YY is requesting FL600.
ATC: Ok YY, it's clear. (Laughing) Climb and maintain FL600, if you can.
P: Roger, descending to FL600....
How to Annoy your Military Roommate ::: Military Jokes. Military humor...
The Exception ::: Military Jokes. Military humor...
ANTI-CAMOUFLAGE The unit recreation officer organized a deer hunting party for hunting enthusiasts from the unit officer personnel. An old-timer from the Engineer Squadron with an impressive experience prepared for the opening of the deer hunting season a suit with glaring alternate stripes of black and white. The suit was designed as a miracle of anti-camouflage.

But on the very first day the engineer major was winged by a novice second lieutenant."

"I thought he was a zebra," stammered the novice....
MISSED In England a bus of American tourists pulled to stop at Dover. One passenger demanded of the guide, "What happened here?"

"This is from where the Allied invasion of Europe started."

"When?" asked the American.

"1943," replied the guide.

Looking at his watch, the tourist said to his wife, "My gosh, Edna, we missed it by 20 minutes."...
Letter to Oakley. Military Jokes. Military humor...
TOO STEEP PRICE The wife of an officer in an armored unit was worried over her husband bringing home only part of his pay (the difference he spent as his uncontrolled money for his private entertainment).

"It's because of the deduction,' he explained. "I had a tank lost by neglect in my unit in a quagmire during maneuvers last autumn."

The wife decided to ask the officer's commander about the particulars of this unhappy affair.

The commander summoned the officer.

"Well, lieutenant, how much do you pay for the tank a month?"

"200 dollars."

"It's rather stiff," commented the commander. "I, for that matter, pay only $ 100 a month for my tank."...
Syrian Soldiers An Australian journalist was stopped at a Syrian Checkpoint in the bullet-pocked suburb of West Beirut. The Syrian soldier said "Get out of the car and open the boot!", to which the Australian replied "I'm sorry, but the handbrake on the car is broken. I can't take my foot off the brake or it'll roll back down the hill". So the Syrian says "Do you take me for a FOOL?!", as he slides into the passenger seat, and stamps his big boot onto the brake pedal....
Marine Gate Guards Two airmen were driving across country on leave. They come to a Marine Corps base and decide to visit. They approach the gate and the Marine Guard walks up to the driver's window, and taps on it with his nighstick. The driver rolls down the window, and the Marine smacks him in the head with the stick. The driver says, "Why'd you do that?...
A fighter pilot, a pig, and a dog were the only survivors of a terrible shipwreck, and they found themselves stranded on a desert island. After being there awhile, they got into a ritual of going to the beach every evening to watch the sun go down...
Russian Tactics The problem with the Iraqi army is that they were using Russian defense tactics: ...
A Humorous Look at what the QDR is may do to serveral branches of the military. Subject: FORCE XXI and Army Digitization Overview ...
GOOD AND BAD The drill sergeant making his morning announcements to a group of newcomers in a training camp, stated: "Today, gentlemen, I have some good news and some bad news. First, the good. Private Buford will be setting the pace on our morning run.'...

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