QUICKER THAN THE EYE The private jumped out of his foxhole and took off for the rear....
SLOW BUT SURE Two dogfaces were digging a foxhole. ...
OFFICER MATERIAL Grinshaw wasn't much good in the field, but he passed his written exams with flying colors and, eventually, received word he was qualified for officers candidate school (OCS). His sergeant brought him the news....
MAKING LIGHT (Economical Way) Two GIs huddled in a foxhole. One, a tough-back woodsman from Texas, calmly rolled a cigarette from makin's. Having finished, he put it to his lips, tilted his head back and raised upward until the cigarette barely cleared the top of the foxhole....
ONE FOR THE SHOW When little Reggie was inducted into the Army, he was advised to act tough....
BIG SECRETS (OF BIG BRASS) A famous admiral and an equally famous general were fishing together when a sudden squall came up. When it died down both eminent warriors were struggling helplessly in the water....
A Day in the Life of a Marine A prayer for the stressed..... Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I cannot accept, and the wisdom to hide the bodies of those people I had to kill today because they pissed me off. And also, help me to be careful of the toes I step on today, as they may be connected to the ass that I may have to kiss tomorrow. Help me to always give 100% at work.... 12% on Monday, 23% on Tuesday, 40% on Wednesday, 20% on Thursday, 5% on Fridays and help me to remember... When I'm having a really bad day, and it seems that people are trying to piss me off, that it takes 42 muscles to frown and only 4 to extend my middle finger and tell them to "Fuck off". ...
PsyOps PsyOps have been extremely successful in the past. During the Gulf War, warnings about B-52 bomber attacks were issued to Iraqi troops on the ground. Leaflets promising humane treatment if they surrendered were then dropped. Most of the soldiers who later surrendered were carrying the leaflets, army officials said at the time. ...
Osama bin Laden Jokes

Jokes about bin Laden and the War on Terrorism How You Can Help

Times are tough all over......
The TEN Ways to Avoid the DRAFT 1. Self-Exile (The Canadian Maneuver)
A popular choice during Vietnam. A classic. This is a good opportunity to "see the world." Actually, it's like being drafted in that you get to learn new customs in a different culture, (saying "eh" to indicate that you are speaking, beer drinking as an artform, finding out what a "took" (rhymes with "Luke") is and why you wear it on you head). Plus, there is always the comforting knowledge aht there will always be a room (10x10x8) waiting for you back in the States....
NEW JUDO? Corporal Brugg staggered back to the barracks one night in a terribly battered condition. His explanation to the boys was as follows:...
Top 10 List, Tonight's Category: Reasons why you know that the Army Mission has made an impact on your family life! 10. Last night you had a dream and everyone was using acronyms....
Cruise control While enroute back home to Fort Bragg one summer day, I stopped at Fort Campbell for gas. I noticed a Chinook being towed into the hangar. The front of the aircraft was in dire need of repair and the whole thing generally looked like an extra in the movie 'Twister'. I asked a maintenance type standing nearby what had happened. He told me that the lieutenant had set the 'cruise control' and then went in the back to make a sandwich....
TIME WASTER Junior was home on leave after some time in the Army....
The importance of an Airman Five cannibals get jobs as contractors at an air base. ...
The Toilet Paper Bombing Run by Joe Diblin...
Russian milirary humor A corporal took a company for an excursion to the zoo.
The corporal:
"And this is an enclosure with giraffes. But now they are not visible, as they are hatching out eggs in their nests."
A soldier:
"Sir, but giraffes don't hatch out eggs!"
The corporal:
"What?! 8-((( 40 curtseys!!!"
[ The soldier curtseys]
The corporal:
"So what have you asked?"
The soldier (choking):
"And when do they fly to the south ?" ...
Mechanic During World War II, a mechanic was making a routine test flight with a bomber that accidently drifted off course and over enemy territory. The plane was shot down and the mechanic taken prisoner.
Not knowing his area of expertise, the prison camp leader placed him in charge of the chickens. Every day he would collect scraps of metal and wood and, eventually, he constructed a certified engine and a pair of wings.
One morning when the officers called roll they found he had attached the wings and engine to the chicken shed and flown the coop ...
Relax, Take a Load Off! by RM2 Rick McCusker, USCG...
PHOTO-FINISH A soldier stationed overseas one day received a 'Dear John' letter from his girl-friend home in the States, telling him she was going to marry and would he please return her picture. The boy collected photos, snapshots, and pin-up pies from every soldier on the post. Then he packed the collection in a huge crate and shipped it to the fickle wench....
At night The company commander and the first sergeant were in the field for maneuvers. As they hit the sack for the night, the first sergeant said: “Sir, look up into the sky and tell me what you see.”...
JUST COASTING The physical training instructor was drilling a platoon of soldiers....
Stamps After seeing to it that Italy’s trains ran on time, Mussolini was feeling proud enough to order the government printing office to issue a stamp featuring his likeness. Much to his dismay, however, postal workers began complaining that the stamps were falling off the envelopes. Every day, layers of the stamps filled the bottoms of their carrier bags.
Mussolini rushed to the printer and demanded to know why the highest grade of glue hadn’t been used on his stamps. “But it was, il Duce!” the horrified manager insisted. “We’ve looked into this unfortunate situation, and the problem is that people are spitting on the wrong side!” ...
Two knights Two knights are riding through a forest in medieval England when they come upon a peasant gathering sticks. ``Lo there, yon farmer!'' exclaims one of the knights, ``Why dost thou labor in this forest at so late an hour? There be hostile beasts and men of military about.'' ...
Two knights Two knights are riding through a forest in medieval England when they come upon a peasant gathering sticks. ``Lo there, yon farmer!'' exclaims one of the knights, ``Why dost thou labor in this forest at so late an hour? There be hostile beasts and men of military about.'' ...
Who sh*t on my carpet? One of my Officers used to take his dog to work with him everyday.
He was called David, the dog, not the Major.
It was a scrawny look mutt.
So was the Major.
Having a sense of humour, the Major promoted David to the dizzy heights of Corporal, probably to stop us lot from kicking it.
One day the Major came back to his office to find that Corporal David had left him "a little message" on his office floor. So he bust him to Lance Corporal!...
BRT I was in the USMC in the early 70's, in LeJuene, in Motor. One Lance Corporal reported that he was working on his truck, doing endless 1st echelon maintenance, when a First Luie came over and asked what he was doing. He didn't really know, so he just muttered, "Aw, shit," and peered out from under the truck. Seeing the butter bars, he of course jumped to attention and saluted. "I'm tightening down the BRT, Sir."...
A Marine and a Soldier A Marine and a Soldier were walking outside when the Soldier said, "Look at the dead bird." The Marine looked skyward and said "Where, where?" ...
Russian milirary humor General in front of the line:
- The enemy has used atomic bomb. Your actions?
- We are coaling. ...
DISRESPECT FOR A SUPERIOR The sergeant has been berating a private for a long time: "Private Milton, your disgraceful conduct is a glaring example of insubordination and insolence towards a superior!" he shouted....
MISSES (in both senses) Two soldiers were talking about their wives....

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