10. Military transport flights now earn you Delta frequent flier miles
9. Where else can you shoot guns and get awakened in the middle of the night
by loud explosions besides New York, Chicago and Detroit?
8. Get rid of all those creepy "Richard Simmons Wants You" posters
7. Intelligence spy satellite may be used to watch "Jackass" 24 hours
a day
6. Try to work out a deal so that every person who enlists gets to have sex
with Cameron Diaz
5. Superiors may now be addressed as "Dude"
4. Make it so every hand grenade has a creamy nougat center
3. Goodbye "Don't ask, don't tell" -- Hello "The gayer the better!"
2. Next mission: all-out invasion of Temptation Island
1. New slogan "Army of One" replaces "Hope You Like Scrubbing
Latrines!"
From The 'Late Night With David Letterman' Book of Top Ten Lists by David Letterman
See also:
David
Letterman's New Book of Top Ten Lists and Wedding Dress Patterns for the Husky
Bride
An
Altogether New Book of Top Ten Lists by David Letterman