You may be a ‘Redneck Marine’ if... You may be a ‘Redneck Marine’ if you think the Mountain Men in Deliverance were just "misunderstood". ...
Foch! During World War I, Marshal Foch's driver Pierre was frequently pestered by reporters for inside information. "When does the marshal think the war will end?" he was often asked, and would promise to relate anything which Foch divulged. "This morning, the marshal spoke," he announced one day. Then, having waited for the earger journalists to gather around, he continued: "He said, 'Pierre, what do you think? When is this war going to end?'"...
The Word Three college buddies were commissioned in three branches of the service--Army, Navy, and Air Force--where they made their careers. ...
Tent One day these soldiers went on a mission and the commander kept yelling at them.. so he comes up to one soldier and says, "Soldier, why haven't you put up your tent yet?"...
Fall Out As we stood in formation at the Pensacola Naval Air Station, our Flight Instructor said, "All right! All you dummies fall out."

As the rest of the squad wandered away, I remained at attention.

The instructor walked over until he was eye-to-eye with me, and then just raised a single eyebrow.

I smiled and said, "Sure was a lot of dummies, huh sir?"...
Alligator A General from Louisiana was retiring, and he decided to throw a party. Included on the guest list was his driver, Sgt. Robichaux, the only Cajun at the party. In the back yard, people were gathering around the pool, mingling and eating appetizers and firing up the grill. ...
Very Short Military Books 25. Under Fire with a Combat Photographer by Albert Gore, Jr. ...
First Aid for Terrorists A group of U.S. marines arriving in Afganistan found themselves taking a surprise refresher course on first aid....
Humor In Uniform THE PETTY OFFICER working for me aboard the USS Cape Cod had just qualified as the in-port officer of the deck. She was standing on her first four-hour watch and sent two young sailors to raise the flag for morning colors. Soon she received a call informing her that the color guard had raised the flag upside down. Recalling the qualifications board she'd just passed, she quickly answered, "Well, it's either a mistake, a distress signal or the ship is upside down!"...
You may be a ‘Redneck Marine’ if... You may be a ‘Redneck Marine’ if all your male ancestors fought in the Civil War on the Confederate side. ...
Off Full metal jacket - modified Sgt: "Cadet Smith, what's your excuse?!?!?" ...
Sgt and Cadet Sgt: "Cadet, are you nervous?" ...
Air Force Fire Fighter A new recruit fire fighter while completing his schooling, was filled in on how to maintain a happy marriage and a good sex life. So he arrived home from class the first day and advised his new wife how things were going to be, first when I come home I am going to ring one bell by saying "ring", you are to get undress, then I will say "ring", a second time and that means to jump into bed and prepare to make love. Third day he comes home and says "ring", Wife jumps out of her clothes, then he says "ring", again. She jumps into bed and they are hard at it, all of a sudden she screams "ring, ring ring", He stops and looks at his wife and says what the "H" is the third "ring", for she says More hose, more hose!!!!!!!!!! ...
Army nurse Q: Did you hear about the army nurse who went to bed eating popcorn?
A: She woke up with a kernel between her legs. ...
Overheard: "I don't care if you drink, but if you drink, don't drive...<pause>...for your Romeos, that includes the tank!" ...
Meeting with a recruiter ::: Military jokes and humor daily...
Hum... (1) Alexander the Great was a great general.
(2) Great generals are forewarned.
(3) Forewarned is forearmed.
(4) Four is an even number.
(5) Four is certainly an odd number of arms for a man to have.
(6) The only number that is both even and odd is infinity.

Therefore, Alexander the Great had an infinite number of arms....
ARMY A friend was in front of me coming out of church one day, and as always the preacher was standing at the door shaking hands as the congregation departed. He grabbed my friend by the hand and pulled him aside.The preacher said to him, "You need to join the Army of the Lord!"

My friend replied, "I'm already in the Army of the Lord, Preacher."

The preacher questioned, "How come I don't see you except for Christmas and
Easter?"

He whispered back, "I'm in the secret service." ...
Humor In Uniform ON MY FIRST DAY in the fire room of a Navy destroyer, it was my duty to open a particular valve. The valve control, the size of a steering wheel, seemed to be stuck. After my best efforts failed to budge it, I reported my difficulty to the chief. He told me to keep trying and that he would send "Tiny" to help me. Soon what appeared to be the largest sailor in the Navy loomed over me, and I grinned, thinking he'd solve my problem. But instead of taking the wheel in hand, he merely pointed to it and said, "Open that valve right now!" I got the valve open. ...
Team Do you know why the Army football team should change its name to the "Opossums?" ...
You may be a ‘Redneck Marine’ if... You may be a ‘Redneck Marine’ if during your high school senior year you and your mother had homeroom together. ...
Army Joke Fifty-one years ago Herman James, a West Virginia Mountain Man, was drafted by the Army. ...
Top Ways The Army Is Trying To Boost Recruiting ::: Military jokes and humor daily...
Chow Time One of my husband's duties as a novice drill instructor at Fort Jackson, S.C., was to escort new recruits to the mess hall. After everyone had made it through the chow line, he sat them down and told them, "There are three rules in this mess hall: Shut up! Eat up! Get up!"...
Military Technology As a member of the organization that installs computer systems aboard Navy ships, I am mindful of how important the off-ship e-mail capabilities are to sailor morale, especially when some vessels are deployed for up to six months. One day while shopping at the base commissary, I noticed another crucial aspect of my job....
Firing Squad A Bama alum, a Tennesse alum and an Auburn alum have been captured by Iraqi forces and are about to be executed by firing squad. ...
Cadets Three high school buddies went to different Academies: One to Navy, one to Air Force, and one to Army. Last summer they decided to go to the Olympics in Atlanta. However, they were broke and couldn't get in to see any events....
Leftover pie The mess sergeant was lecturing about waste. "You men have got to make better use of our leftovers. For instance, what can we do with left-over carrots?"
Nothing but puzzled shrugs came from the men.
"OK, so you can't figure R. You can make carrot pie. That's what you can do with leftover carrots. Doesn' it make sense?"
The sergeant paused to give them a chance to absorb his words. Then he asked, "Any questions?"
A hand was raised and a voice asked, "Sir, what can you do with the leftover pie?" ...
Humor In Uniform WHILE I WAS an Army cook stationed in Tokyo, we served field rations once a month. One afternoon, I prepared a meal mixing C-rations. At serving time, as the GIs came through the line, one soldier looked at the chow and asked me what it was. "Pork pot pie," I told him. "Sarge," he replied, "if you've got enough nerve to serve it, I've got enough nerve to eat it!" ...
Convince these students An Army recruiter delivered a windy pep talk to encourage a group of college students to join the VOLAR. But the culminating point of his oration was greeted with cat calls, whistles and projection of rotten eggs and an assortment of no less rotten vegetables and fruits. ...
You may be a ‘Redneck Marine’ if... You may be a ‘Redneck Marine’ if the hood and one door are a different color from the rest of your USMC Hummer. ...

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