Tough Drill Sargeant My army unit was so tough...
How tough was it?...
The last laugh! Several years ago, after having Japanese executives from the automotive industry tour a Ford Plant, they held a press conference in which one of the Japanese execs claimed that the American workers were slow and lazy. ...
Hitler and the Pig Adolf Hitler is speeding through Germany with his chauffeur at the wheel on his way to an important address.
Driving down a country road, the chauffeur (who is distracted, looking out the window at the countryside) doesn't see a pig walk out onto the road, and he hits in with the car. ...
Girl in Army Q: Did you hear about the girl who wanted to join the Army?
A: She jumped over a campfire and got "Deferred". ...
Snow Bound...
A Telephone Repairman Joins the Army A telphone repair man joined the Army. As part of his basic training, he went out on the rifle range. He fired 99 shots at the target, and missed the target with every shot! His Drill Instructor tried to find out why.
"What's the matter with you?" shouted the DI. "Why can't you hit the target? What were you in civilian life?"
"I was a telephone repair man," replied the new recruit, "and I don't know why I can't hit the target. Let me see..."
The man checked his rifle, checked his rifle again, and checked his rifle a third time. He then put his finger in front of the muzzle, pulled the trigger, and blew the end of his finger off!
"Well," the phone man said, writhing in pain, "the bullets are leaving here fine. The trouble must be on the other end!" ...
A BILLET FOR EVERYONE The recruiting officer had a hard time trying to determine to which branch of the service he should assign this volunteer. The trouble was that the would-be warrior was so dumb he could only count to ten.
"Where shall we place him?" he asked his assistants at the recruiting center.
"Let's send him around to different camps to referee boxing bouts," suggested one.
Another had a better idea.
"Let's send him to a missile unit. He'll be very good at a countdown."...
Fright Show The four scariest phrases ever heard in the military: The E-1 who says, "I learned this in Basic Training..."

The O-1 who says, "Based on my experience..."

The E-5 who says, "Trust me, Sir..."

The E-9 who chuckles, "Watch THIS sh*t..."

Even more scary:

A Pfc with a badge.

A 2nd lieutenent with a map. ...
The young ensign ...
NEVER VOLUNTEER "Anybody here know shorthand?" asked the sergeant. Five eager beavers stepped forward.
"Then get over to the mess hall," bellowed the serge. "They're short-handed."
An old-timer commented: "In the Army you never volunteer for anything except certain death."
...
UNBEARABLE The infantry patrol was on maneuvers in the desert. The air was still and hot, the terrain arid and parched, with not a drop of water in sight. Time was called for a break. One recruit sat idly on a stone, his head in his hands. ' "What's the matter with him?" asked the sergeant. "Home-sickness," answered a private.
"We've all got that."
"Yes, but his is worse than for most of us - his father owns a tavern."...
Top Ten Air Force General Pick-Up Lines 10. "When I look at you, my pants fly in formation"
9. "If you sleep with me, I'll let you bomb New Jersey back to the Stone Age"
8. "I've heard great things about you from President"
7. "How would you like to serve under me?"
6. "You've just been targeted by a heat-seeking missile of love"
5. "See this medal? It's for pleasing the ladies beyond the call of duty"
4. "I can still fly four missions a night, if you know what I mean"
3. "I'm looking for a place to land my stealth bomber"
2. "Want to learn what the F' stands for in F-16?"

And the number one Air Force General pick-up line...
"My sights are locked on you!"...
COLOR-BLIND In bar two Navy officers were discussing the standard subject of career advancements and set-backs.
"They say LJG Milton has been dismissed as ship navigator."
"Yes, the scuttlebutt has it was discovered he was color-blind."
"Color-blind? What of it?"
"He brought his ship to the Red Sea instead of the Black Sea... ."...
ON THE SAFE SIDE A soldier was asked by the chaplain if he prayed. He said, yes, he did. ...
NO GAMES A USAF officer received the notice of his upcoming assignment to Thailand. His little son took the news with great enthusiasm. He insisted that he would come with his father. He was explained that servicemen were not allowed to take their little boys to Thailand.
"Thailand!" he cried. "I thought you said Toyland. So it means bombs not toys."...
Military Computer A large defense contractor finally succeeded in building a computer able to solve any strategic or tactical problem. Military leaders assembled in front of the new machine and were instructed to feed a difficult tactical problem into it. They described a hypothetical situation to the computer and then asked the pivotal question, "Attack or retreat?"...
Officer Promotions...
Playing Games...
Soldier, Sailor, and Airman A soldier, a sailor and an airman were sitting together having a beer and they begin to discuss the greatest technological inventions of the modern world....
Too Smart...
Remote Assignment ::: Military jokes and humor daily...
Airline Pilot ::: Military jokes and humor daily...
The four categories of officers 1. very intelligent but not very industrious -- ends up as your commanding officer ...
Fighters vs. Transports ::: Military jokes and humor daily...
TOPOGRAPHY AT SEA A troop transport had been shipwrecked and two infantry soldiers found themselves adrift in a life-boat in the limitless space of the ocean....
Air Force Dictionaryt ::: Military jokes and humor daily...
World War II Ace? ::: Military jokes and humor daily...
Don't Mess with a First Sergeant ::: Military jokes and humor daily...
Air Force Intelligence ::: Military jokes and humor daily...
AND HE WAS RIGHT During a troop information hour Sergeant Cumbert tries hard to explain to a crowd of greenhorn soldiers how to recognize 'Reds'.
"Well", he says, wiping off the sweat from his brow, "the 'Reds' are such people who..." and he stops in his tracks, seeking desperately to find some words, but incapable to explain. "Do you see that picture on the wall?" he asks, pointing at a portrait. "Whose picture is that?""Senator McNeil, Chairman, Senate Armed Services Committee," reports a smart rookie. "Hell," grins the sergeant, "it's for you he is a senator, but for them he's a damned imperialist warmonger!"
"If there's one thing I hate, it's a guy who has to have his way all the time!" ...
Marine Corps Entrance Exam ::: Military jokes and humor daily...

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