The Navy's Organizational Structure The CNO (Chief of Naval Operations/O-10)
Leaps tall buildings in a single bound
Is more powerful than a locomotive
Is faster than a speeding bullet
Walks on water
Gives policy to God...
The 'Off' Switch
Real story I was doing sysadmin for the Air Farce a few years ago and got a (L)user story that tops 'em all. The Help Desk gave me a call from Major So-and-so who was having a problem with his workstation. I spoke with him and he told me, "Every time I switch it over to 'Official' the damn screen goes blank." I went down to see what the hell this "Official" switch was. After nearly getting court-martialed for laughing so hard, I spent about 20 minutes explaining to this ex-pilot that "Off" was not an abbreviation for "Official."...
Make a Good Officer Apologies from the contributor and management to any actually good officers and pigs that fly.
HOW TO MAKE A GOOD OFFICER ...
Getting there A university lecturer was explaining the differences between various African tribes to the next ADF observers to be sent to the UN.
"This is definitely one culture where size is everything. The Comolesi, for example, have the longest tongue of any male in Africa. The Wambesi have the largest testicles. The Zulu men are known to have the longest penis."
It was getting a little embarassing for some of the female officers and one woman at the back decided she'd had enough and got up to walk out.
She had just reached the door when the lecturer called out.
"There's no hurry Commander, the next plane to Johannesburg doesn't leave until Saturday evening". ...
A Close Shave
Real story Nine years ago, while a Private at Fort Sam Houston, Texas, the Drill Sergeants held a uniform and boot inspection every Friday. The soldier with the best appearance would be excluded from the duty roster and have a weekend over-night pass....
Shaved Head My father had one I always liked from his Navy service during the Korean War:...
Actual Peace Corp Manual - Let Snake Swallow You! And you think you have a bad job.......
Microsoft Tech on the Rifle range ::: Military humor and jokes...
OBSOLETE BUT PERFECT The IQ of a young man about to be inducted was checked up at the recruiting center. The psychiatrist asked: "Now it is very important to know everything about your ways of relaxation. What do you do as a means of relaxation?"...
SHOP TALK A driving trainee in a truck during a training drive in the country was told by his instructor: "John, some terrible din coming from the exhaust pipe!"...
It must be discouraging to: -Go to a costume party dressed as a pirate and see Mullah Omar over by the punch bowl. ...
You Know You Are A Military Brat If You ... ::: Military humor and jokes...
Recipe for Success in War on Terrorism Begin with a spark of Righteous Anger....
AMERICAN SOLDIERS In World War I, American soldiers were called "Doughboys". ...
That's once Drill Sgt. Meadows was celebrating his years and years of successful leadership.. His training and respect of his recruits had long been the talk of the town. No recruit ever talked back to him, no one ever talked about him. All his recruits did as he said the first time. He never had to ask them twice. His barracks was always the cleanest, the best, and his platoon was always the top in everything they did. In 10 years of his career no other platoon had ever toped his. A local newspaper reporter was inquiring as to the secret of his long and successful leadership. ...
UNCLASSIFIED A GI home on short leave was extremely unwilling to return to his unit so he had the cheek of calling his CO on the phone to tell him that illness had caused a delay in his arrival....
LOGICAL The sergeant snorted contemptuously: "Giggs, it amazes me why they had ever taken you into the Army. You've got no capability for military matters whatever! Why, I guess -you can't tell which of the two objects there on the field is a cow and which is a tank?"...
SIMPLE SOLUTION A missile crewman heard that there were many troubles because missile engines didn't start working due to faulty ignition systems....
NOT ALWAYS A young boy was examined for admission into an officers' school....
EITHER An old man saw a very tired infantryman resting after a hard foot march. The man said with disdain: "When I was of your age I thought nothing of a ten-mile hike."...
EYESIGHT DODGE During the times of the notorious draft in the USA a prospective draftee was under examination of an eye doctor....
COMMUNICATIONS SECURITY "My father was a communications man in the war," said a boy to another. "And he was a great hero."...
HOT A soldier so described how hot was the weather in an area: "It was so hot the eagles on the colonel's shoulders became fried chickens."...
Still Life Art A couple is attending an Art exhibit and they are looking at a portrait that has them a little taken aback.
The picture depicts 3 very brown, dirty, very naked men sitting on a park bench; 2 have a black penis and the one in the middle has a pink penis.
As the couple is looking somewhat puzzled at the picture, the artist walks by and says, "Can I help you with this painting? I'm the artist who painted it."
The man says "Well, we like the painting but don't understand why you have 3 brown men on a bench, and the one in the middle has a pink penis, while the other two have a black penis."
The artist says, "Oh you are misinterpreting the painting. They are not brown men, they are Australian Army Engineers and the one in the middle went home for lunch." ...
No Reason to be Jealous During basic training for the Army Nurse Corps, we were required to spend one week in the field roughing it. It rained the entire week. We arose daily in our swampy tent, took a cold-water beauty bath from our helmets, donned our pistol belts and ponchos, and trudged through the mud to set up field hospitals. Obviously, our personal appearance frequently left much to be desired....
Frosting the Wrong 'Cake' On Coast Guard cutters, low-ranking crew members take turns in the galley helping the cooks. One young seaman aboard was always dropping dishes and spilling food....
Interviewing a Finnish Soldier After the end of the Finnish war, a young female reporter from a British newspaper was sent to Finland to write an article about the soldiers homecoming. She had interviewed half a dozen, when she met Pekka on the street....
Hans! Another boring day on the western front. The Aussies were strategising a plan to spice up the trench warfare. They decided that the most common german name was, Hans. That night, a digger crawled through no-man's land, a few metres away from the Jerry frontline trench.
"Hans," the brave young aussie cried out.
"Ya?" answered a jerry as he popped up curiously.
BANG! the aussie shot him, point blank. And again, and again they used this strategy. But the Germans weren't silly, they decided to give the aussies a taste of their own medicine. A young German by the name of Hans, crawled to a few metres away from the aussie trench.
"Sam?" he cried. there was no answer. "Sam!" he yelled a litle louder. Still no answer.
"SAM!" he hollered at the trench.
"Is that you Hans?" "Ya." BANG!
Once again, the digger came out on top!...
Carrier Humor A Navy officer was cutting through the crew's quarters of his carrier one day and happened upon a sailor reading a magazine with his feet up on the small table in front of him....
BAD SIGHT Another man about to be drafted protested: "I'm not fit for service!"...
CLEAR DISTINCTION A military policeman at the MP School was asked at an exam: "How do you distinguish between a civilian and military vehicle?"...

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