A GI home on short leave was extremely unwilling to return to his unit so he had the cheek of calling his CO on the phone to tell him that illness had caused a delay in his arrival.
"I'm sick, sir," he said on the phone, "I have laryngitis."
"Then why aren't you whispering, Nicholson?" asked the CO.
"Why should I?" the soldier was surprised. "It ain't no military secret!"