-Go to a costume party dressed as a pirate and see Mullah Omar over by the punch bowl.
-Attempt to imagine the cloud shapes look like imaginary animals…and realize they all look like side by side snakes
-Find out your enemy’s bombs are smarter than you are.
-Realize the “rules of engagement” allow for free agency.
- Find out that the demise of your military commander didn’t make things any worse than they were before.
-Literally have to “head for the hills.”
-Learn that a real “magic carpet” is loud, explosive, and falls from the sky.
-Find out that an AC-130 doesn’t aim at you…it just has to aim at your Province.
-Hear your commander yell, “Mohammed, attack that line,” and see half of your battalion stand up at the same time looking confused.
-Hear your commander yell, “Abdulah, attack that line,” and see the other half of your battalion stand up.
-Develop a chaffing around your forehead from the Holiday Inn monogram.
-Realizing that when someone said that the enemy smoked your camels you think he meant your cigarettes, but was trying to tell you that you have to walk to the next town.
-Witness a bomb the size of a Volkswagon fall on your position, not go off, and still annihilate your platoon.
-Witness a bomb the size of a Volkswagon fall on your position, go off, and annihilate a platoon down the road a ways.
-Spend years training to kill infidels, attack the “Great Satan” and realize, like the one who finishes last in the Boston Marathon, you could have eaten cheeseburgers, not trained…and still have been just as effective.
-Spend your last breath denigrating Jews while calling for the Taliban to fight to their deaths, only to find out that the only actor tall enough to play you in the movies is Jeff Goldblum, a Jew.
-Get assigned as a driver for an Osama bin Laden double.
-Need a new Timex watch battery in Afghanistan.
-Share a cave with a ardent fan of Blazing Saddles.
-Realize that you are the only member of your platoon that has all your limbs.
-Realize that no one in your platoon has all their limbs and your only diversion is a deck of cards.