Apologies from the contributor and management to any actually good officers
and pigs that fly.
HOW TO MAKE A GOOD OFFICER
Personally, I always found a really good officer can be made thus!
Marinate liberally for at least ten years (you find they are good at this on their own and may come this way from the shop) if they are green or wet behind the ears.
Do beware of the glazed eyed staring officer as he daydreams of being as powerful as an RSM, these tend to taste of sour grapes.
Pre-warm oven to roughly 350, and remember to remove any metal parts of the Officers' uniform that may chip teeth later.
Stuff with prawns and years of rich food and diggers heads he has had bitten off by someone junior. DO NOT add Lemon as they can be sour enough without it.
DO remove ALL EGO, conceit, obnoxiousness to their elders and betters, and also antipathy toward diggers before placing in the oven. This often leads to there being less than a kilogram left so this will only serve two to four.
Turn oven down to roughly 180.
Change your mind on a whim and pack everything back into the fridge for another meal.
Change your mind again and get everything back out of the fridge and think that it as lucky you didn't turn the oven off yet.
Tenderise the officer liberally with a mallet, or any large bulky object that feels good to hit things with.
Place Officer in an ungreased tray, they tend to be pretty slick without additives.
Cover in garlic to kill the smell and surround with onions, leeks, and various other vegies to be baked. Do not worry about them leaping from the pan due to the company as they are just vegies.
Pour liberal amounts of vinegary wine over the dish but do not allow the bottle within reaching distance.
Place the tray into the oven and roast over a low flame in similar fashion to how they would to a digger they simply didn't like.
Baste often as it's fun to watch. Four to five hours later, depending on the struggles, remove from oven.
Serve cold and destitute with minimal garnish or condiments.
Nah still tastes like shit. Ya just can't GET a good Officer!