After volunteering to fight for his country Zimmerman joined his unit and queued
up for his uniform. As equipment was issued in strict alphabetical order Zimmerman
found himself at the back of the queue. By the time he reached the desk all
the uniforms had been issued. There were none left. Zimmerman was issued with
a badge that said "soldier" in red letters.
"You didn't want a scratchy old uniform anyway," the quartermaster
said.
"Join the queue for your rifle."
Zimmerman joined the back of the rifle queue.
When he reached the front Zimmerman found that all the rifles had been distributed
and thet, once again, there were none left.
"You don't want to kill people anyway," said the quartermaster. "I'll
issue you with a stick and you can shout Bang Bang!" "Thank you,"
said Zimmerman and joined the queue for bayonets.
Once again, on reaching the desk Zimmerman was disappointed. The quartermaster
issued him with a lollipop stick with the advice that he should shout "Sticky-sticky"
when using it.
And so on.
Within weeks Zimmerman found himself on the front lines shouting "Bang-bang"
for all he was worth. On his second day the enemy began a mass advance. One
by one Zimmerman's section were killed or wounded until only Zimmerman himself
remained standing. "Bang-bang!" he shouted, and was amazed to see
his foes still falling. Soon they began to overwhelm his trench and Zimmerman
began to stab wildly with his lollipop stick. "Sticky-sticky. Sticky-sticky."
Astoundingly it worked.
The enemy were dying at his feet. The survivors began to retreat.
All, that is, with the exception of one man who was only half way across no-man's
land and was still advancing slowly.
Zimmerman took careful aim with his stick-rifle and calmly said; "Bang."
The enemy soldier continued his advance.
"Bang-bang, bang-bang, bangedy-bang-bang-bang," Zimmerman yelled frantically.
Still he came. Before he could reach the trench Zimmerman leapt up and ran at
him with the lollipop stick. "Sticky-sticky, he said. And then added "Stab-stab-stab,"
for good measure. The enemy soldier refused to die and stared at Zimmerman defiantly.
By now Zimmerman had had enough. "Wait a minute, " he said. "When
I shouted 'Bang' your comrades died, but not you. When I engaged them in hand-to-hand
combat with my lollipop stick they fell over dead, but not you. What gives?"
"I'm a tank, " said Zanker.