No-LATA (No Longer Able to Adapt) Categories
1. You start to avoid the eyes of your unit Re-enlistment NCO and seriously
consider hiding in a dumpster when they approach.
2. Your little green notebook is full of scrawls of your name--preceded by Mr.,
Mrs., or Ms.
3. You have the urge to add a little something colorful or amusing to your basic
BDUs.
4. It becomes almost impossible NOT to greet your superiors with a glazed look
and a happy, "*#(@! you, Sergeant/Sir/Ma'am!"
5. At any given time, you can give the exact number of microseconds remaining
in your tour.
6. Your lust for freedom begins to outweigh your fear of being labeled an abject:
a. Wimp
for claiming you are a Conscientious Objector
b. Weakling/Chunky Monkey
for failing 10 consecutive PT tests
c. Priss
for wanting to bathe on a semi-regular basis, even in the woods
d. Deserter/AWOL
for attending the world's longest funeral for your pet dog
7. Daydreams of where the pointy end of the company guidon really belongs haunt
your every waking moment at work.
ETS (Embarrassment to Society) Categories
1. You notice yourself starting every other sentence with, "Remember when..."
2. You find that the OTHER sentences begin with, "When I was at (pick a
duty station)..."
3. You are no longer able to pick out the grammatical errors in everyday Army
speech.
4. You really CAN'T count to five.
5. You volunteer to take staff duty on the Fourth of July weekend out of patriotic
pride and duty.
6. You complain that the spaghetti at Olive Garden isn't half as good as the
stuff you get in the chow hall.
7. You truly believe that your chain of command is there to help you.