World War II era Joke
Germans make fun of Italians
This was a common joke that circulated during WWII among German Officers about
the Italians, due to their poor performance in the African theatre. Translated
it goes something like this:...
An old retired sailor puts on his old uniform and heads for the docks once
more for old times sake...
Lease nuclear weapons
Lease a Nuke!
Want power and respect? Want to influence the course of world events? Want
to be on CNN every night? Tired of hum-drum conventional warfare and messy bio-chemical
weapons? Want to watch the citizens of your favorite arcology squirm and sweat
in constant nagging fear of instant and unexpected anhilation? ...
Give chocolate pudding
First soldier: "Pass me the chocolate pudding, would you?"...
An Allied outpost was fortifying supposedly for an incoming enemy assault.
...
Short Military Jokes
- How many Iraqis does it take to launch a Scud missile?
- Two. One to launch it, one to watch CNN to find out where it landed....
Paddy 'n' Mick join the army, and are put on street patrol in a city with a
military curfew. They are given instructions to shoot anybody who's on the streets
after 6 o'clock. So one day, they're out at twenty to 6, when Paddy spots a
man walking on the other side of the street. He lines up the man in his sights
and shoots the man dead. Mick is shocked. ...
Personal invisibility device
A soldier at the Pentagon got out of the shower, and realized that his clothes
were missing. And then he accidentally locked himself out of the locker room.
So now he was completely naked in the halls of the headquarters of the most
powerful military organization on the planet. And he felt pretty ridiculous.
Getting an idea, he walked naked and purposefully through the corridors until
he reached the Research & Development laboratory. He walked in and saluted
the Head Scientist. ...
At Parris Island, a sergeant was teaching a private to throw a grenade at a
pracitice training course. He ran about 10 yards away to be safe, and yelled
the instructions.
"Pull the pin, throw and hit the dirt!"
The private proceeds to do so, and throws the explosive directly at the sergeant!
A few months later, the sergeant meets the private in a group of men killed
in battle. He goes up the the private- no hard feelings because heaven is well,
great- and asks him how he 'bit the dust.'
Responds the private: "Well, i was caught in a ambush; these guys,"
He thumbs behind him. "got caught in the jeep under the fire. I managed
to make it to a ditch where i yanked a grenade form my belt and pulled the pin
and lever. The enemy runs away seeing it, so i put the grenade back onto my
belt."...
Russian army joke
A platoon commander says to the troops....
- What do you think about the coming battle, General?...
How does the Army affect the average person? Check out... Top Ten Things You LOSE
1. Weight (Basic)
2. Hearing
3. IQ Points
4. Fashion Sense
5. Civilian Credit Rating
6. Constitutional Rights
7. Sleep
8. Privacy
9. Hair and the right to a GOOD barber
10. Basic Hygiene (Field) ...
World War Two Joke
A patrol of allied soldiers were in a ruined city during World War Two. They
are bragging and joshing about how many kills they have so far to keep up courage
on their route through the rubbled buildings. ...
Warrant officer and talking frog
A warrant officer was crossing a road one-day when a frog called out to him
and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess". He
bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket. ...
A trooper asks a sergeant:...
A Maintenance Battalion in Germany had just received a brand new Executive
Officer, an Armor Major. The Major proceeded to issue new SOP directives (Standard
Operating Procedures) that WOULD be followed under all circumstances. One of
these directives was that NO ONE over the rank of Staff Sergeant would drive
their own vehicle, that was what the lower enlisted were for. One morning, the
Master Sergeant in charge of the S-2 shop of the battalion had an intel report
that was due at Division Headquarters within the hour, and his clerk, a PFC,
was off that morning because of duty the night before. The Sergeant felt that
he had no choice, the report HAD to get to Division; so he got into his Jeep
and started to Division Headquarters....
Meals Are Hot, Rapid City Is Missing, Film At Eleven
I was an Air Force ICBM launch control officer in South Dakota. Two officers
pulled 24-hour alerts in a launch control center that was surrounded by several
Minuteman II silos. ...
Memo: Big Trouble ...
Modern Zen for the US Military
1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for
I may not follow. Do not walk beside me, either; just #$%^ off and leave me
alone....
Russian army joke
A recruit examines the food served to him in the batallion dining room....
Army Slogans that didn't make it ::: Military humor & jokes...
Lousy Golfer / Lousy Parachutist
This is the difference between a lousy Golfer and a lousy Parachutist. ...
10 Ways to Know You Are an Adjutant in the Field ::: Military humor &
jokes...
GOING TO HEAVEN
Father Murphy walked into a pub and said to the first Marine he met, "Do
you want to go to heaven?" The Marine said, "I do Father." The
priest said, "Leave this pub right now!" ...
You Might be a Marine Wife if:
1. Your mail goes to four addresses in two countries before it reaches you.
...
SUGGESTED FITNESS REPORT COMMENTS FOR THE LEADERSHIP-CHALLENGED ::: Military
humor & jokes...
Top 10 Problem Children in Every Unit
The Know-It-All
Doesn't like to be corrected or wrong....
Military favored recreation.
Marines: Bowling
Navy: Football
Army: Baseball
Coast Guard: Tennis
Air Force: Golf ...
You Might Be a Jarhead If... ::: Military humor & jokes...
Russian army joke
A soldier keeps a mug upside down and tells the sergeant:...
A Navy and A Coast Guard Chief
A Navy Chief and a Coast Guard Chief die and go to heaven...