- How many Iraqis does it take to launch a Scud missile?
- Two. One to launch it, one to watch CNN to find out where it landed.
- How many Russians does it take to screw in a light bulb?
- That is a military secret. If I told you I'd have to kill you.
- How many survivors of nuclear war does it take to screw in a light bulb?
- None. People that glow in the dark don't need lights.
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