Swabbies how you look at it. ...
Your Not Military If: ...
Officers At Work A Lieutenant, a Major, and a Colonel were dining with the General in his quarters one evening. The conversation turned to sex and the Lieutenant stated that making love to your wife is 10% work and 90% fun. The Major disagreed and stated that he believed making love to your wife is 40% work and 60% fun. The Colonel then stated that they were both wrong and that the ratio is 80% work and 20% fun. They decided to put the matter to a young Sergeant. "Well, Sir," he began, "I think you are all dead wrong. It must be 100% fun." "Why do you say that?", asked the General. "Because," answered the young sergeant, "if it involved any work at all, you'd assign an enlisted person to do it for you."...
Service Animosity ...
Out-Gunned...
Seeking Protection...
ROGER, WILCO "Pilot to tower. Plane out of fuel. Am fifty miles out over ocean at three hundred feet. Radio instructions."
'Tower to pilot. Repeat after me: 'Our Father, Who Art in Heaven ...'" ...
SELF-SERVICE IS BETTER "What's the name of the propellant used with this rocket?" asked a missileman. ...
Wild Kid ...
Military Acronyms ARMY: Another Retarded Misguided Youth...
You are one of three people on a malfunctioning airplane with only one parachute. How would you react? Pessimist: you refuse the parachute because you might die on the jump anyway....
The top 40 signs that you may be an infantry officer...
The same to you A general and a captain walking down the street passed a number of GIs, and each time one of them saluted the officers, the captain saluted back and said, "The same to you." "Why do you always say that?" the general asked the captain. "I used to be a private, too." said the captain," and I know just what they are thinking.
...
The Politically Correct Battlefield They're not our enemy; they're our socio-political compliment.
We don't damage their aircraft; we make unauthorized in-flight modifications.
We don't spy; we deal in unreleased information.
They're not casualties; they're inoperative battle units.
We don't have scouts; we have unauthorized observers.
We don't miss; we fail to effectively engage the target.
We don't waste missiles; we run a non-cost-effective equipment exchange.
We don't attack; we aggressively move into pre-occupied territory.
We don't retreat; we reconsolidate at a previously held position.
We don't waste money, we fail to effectively utilize funding.
We're not at war; we're sanctioning with extreme prejudice....
How things work A young officer is working late at the Pentagon one evening. As he comes out of his office about 8 pm he sees a General standing by the classified document shredder in the hallway, a piece of paper in his hand. ...
Simulated Kangaroos...
A D.I.'s Rules to Date His Daughter...
Army Definition of a Cow A cow is a completely automated milk-manufacturing machine.
It's encased in untanned leather and mounted on four vertical moveable supports, one on each corner.
The front end contains: the cutting and grinding mechanism, as well as, light sensors, air inlet and exhaust, bumper and a fog horn.
The rear end contains: the dispensing apparatus and automatic fly swatter.
The central section houses a hydro-chemical conversion plant. This consists of four fermentation and storage tanks, an integrated network, which is connected to the rear-dispensing unit.
In brief the extremely visible features are:
2 lookers, 2 hookers, 4 stander-uppers, 4 hanger-downers and a swissy-wissy...
One of the happiest moments One of the happiest moments of my army training was when the sergeant told me "You are no more use than Jesus Christ's bollocks!"...
Landing Strip...
MARINE joke Soldier in a bar leans over to the guy next to him and says, "Wanna hear a MARINE joke?"The guy next to him replies, "Well, before you tell that joke, you should know something. I'm 6' tall, 200 lbs, and I'm MARINE. The guy sitting next to me is 6'2" tall, weighs 225, and he's a MARINE. The fella next to him is 6'5" tall, weighs 250, and he's also a MARINE. Now, you still wanna tell that joke?" The Soldier says, "Nah, I don't want to have to explain it three times." ...
Pilots jokes What is the ideal cockpit crew?
A pilot and a dog. The pilot is there to feed the dog, and the dog is there to bite the pilot in case he tries to touch anything.

How many pilots does it take to change a lightbulb?
Just one. He holds the bulb, and the world revolves around him.

How do you know if there is an pilot at your party?
He'll tell you.

What's the difference between God and pilots?
God doesn't think he's a pilot....

What is the difference between an pilot and a pig?
The pig doesn't turn into an aviator when it's drunk.

What do pilots use for birth control?
Their personality.

What is the difference between an pilot and a jet engine?
A jet engine stops whining when it pulls up to the gate.

The difference between the Boy Scouts and the U.S. Air Force?
The boy Scouts have adult supervision....
Hunting contest...
Paratrooper training While going through paratrooper training a paratrooper collided in midairwith another trooper, whose chute collapsed as a result. He grabbed the other fellow in a bear hug, and they rode the one good chute to safety.

"I commend you for your quick thinking and for placing comradeship above all!" said his commander.

"We had only one good chute between the two of us, sir, and I was not about to let go to see if it was mine." ...
Legionnaires ...
The best part of waking up A grandmother was surprised by her 7-year-old grandson one morning. He had made her coffee. She drank what was the worst cup of coffee in her life. When she got to the bottom, there were three of those little green army men in the cup. She said, "Honey, what are the army men doing in my coffee?"...
Marines coming home...
His Military Wife...
Top ten signs that the Army is not doing well: 10. The secretary of defense assures the chief of staff that the Army will be able to staff and equip all TWO active divisions simultaneously in five Theaters of Operation....
If the Marine Corps Wanted You to Have a Wife, They Would Have Issued You One!...
Military jokes and humor...

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