10. The secretary of defense assures the chief of staff that the Army will be able to staff and equip all TWO active divisions simultaneously in five Theaters of Operation.
9. The Army demonstrates theater missile defense by having a squad of infantry surround a crowd during the July Fourth fireworks.
8. Texas Congressman Dick Armey changes his name to Dick Navey.
7. The Army announces a new theme called: " Be a lot you can be."
6. The new G.I. Bill is the amount of money you will have to pay in the future for benefits that are now free.
5. Your entitlement to "space-available health care" is reinterpreted to mean health care that is only available in space.
4. The "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" policy is replaced with the "Your Secret is Safe With Me" policy.
3. The Army decides to organize a contest entitled "Guess Our Mission."
2. The Army's "Guess Our Mission" contest ends after a year with no winner.
1. To show its level of support for the retired Army population, the Defense Department names as the new Assistant Secretary for health affairs: Dr. Jack Kavorkian.