What is the ideal cockpit crew?
A pilot and a dog. The pilot is there to feed the dog, and the dog is there
to bite the pilot in case he tries to touch anything.
How many pilots does it take to change a lightbulb?
Just one. He holds the bulb, and the world revolves around him.
How do you know if there is an pilot at your party?
He'll tell you.
What's the difference between God and pilots?
God doesn't think he's a pilot....
What is the difference between an pilot and a pig?
The pig doesn't turn into an aviator when it's drunk.
What do pilots use for birth control?
Their personality.
What is the difference between an pilot and a jet engine?
A jet engine stops whining when it pulls up to the gate.
The difference between the Boy Scouts and the U.S. Air Force?
The boy Scouts have adult supervision.