Military Birth Control After having their 11th child, a U.S. Marine and his wife decided that was enough, as they could not afford a larger house on their housing allowance. So the Marine went to sick call and told the doctor that he and his wife didn't want anymore children....
Officer Evals Humor The following is quoted verbatim from my gggrandfather's (who was an officer of the 29th Maine) diary of March 12th, 1864. The order was written by MG William B. Franklin and is worth of the British Officer Efficiency Reports that have been seen on the Net -...
Naval pun
A sailor was caught AWOL as he tried to sneak on board his ship at about 3 am. The chief petty officer spied him and ordered the sailor to stop. Upon hearing the sailor's lame explanation for his tardiness, the officer ordered the sailor, "Take this broom and sweep every link on this anchor chain by morning or it's the brig for you!"...
A fighter pilot A fighter pilot goes to a bar after a good days flying. Whilst there he meets a young, attractive and available lady. She is charmed by his tales of aerial combat, high speed flight, and death defying feats. The inevitable happens and they slip away to somewhere more comfortable for an evenings intimate entertainment. Much later that night the pilot drives home to his long suffering wife. On the way he puts on his oxygen mask and draws the straps up as tight as they will go. When he gets home he removes the mask and bravely enters the house. Immediately he tells the wife exactly and honestly what he has been up to that evening. She replies: "Do not lie to me, I can see you have been flying that damned airplane yet again". ...
MOPPing in a Signal Wonderland Sung to the tune of "Walking in a Winter Wonderland"...
Ditch Powerpoint Can’t we say ‘that’s all folks’ to PowerPoint presentations? ...
HARD TO IMITATE The Commanding Officer stared at the AWOL. "Jackson, when I was a soldier I never told a lie to my superiors. Will you be able to say the same thing to your son?"...
SUPERIORS ARE ALWAYS ONE'S BETTERS The tough private sauntered into the dimlylit saloon....
  The progress of the student during flying training was not good enough to allow him to continue the course and to become a fighter pilot. He had to leave the pilot training outfit but he wanted to remain in the Air Force and could be transferred into another sector. Asked for his preferences he replied: " AAA, Anti Aircraft Artillery, because 'if I don't fly - nobody will"...
In the Personal Ads...
ENEMY WANTED Mature North American Superpower seeks hostile partner for arms racing third world conflicts, and general antagonism. Must be sufficiantly menacing to convince Congress of military financial requirements. Nuclear capablility is preferred, however non-nuclear candidates possessing significant biological/chemical warfare resources will be considered. Send note with pictures of Fleet, Air squadrons and Army to: ...
The Barber An airman finds a barber shop near the base and goes inside for a haircut. After getting a nice, short flat-top, the airman asks how much he should pay. ...
The Sergeant's Selected List of Favorite Actual Country-Western Song Titles ::: Military humor and jokes....
A chest X-ray We had a Marcad (Marine flight student) back in '62 who stirred things up for a while. A cook had come down with TB. Everybody had to have a chest X-ray. We all lined up and went through the process. Three days later the corpsmen came hurrying down to the flight line looking for the Marine. ''He's flying,'' came the answer from the ready room. ...
Promotion An army sergeant was recommended for promotion and had to appear before a promotion board as part of the process, and answer questions about everything from current events to military history. Just when he thought he had successfully completed the interrogation, one first sergeant asked, 'What is the significanceof March 9?' His mind raced through the possibilities, but after several tense minutes he gave up and replied, 'First Sergeant, I do not know the significance of March 9.' 'Too bad,' he said. 'I'm sure your wife would be pleased to hear that you forgot her birthday.' ...
IT DOESN'T MATTER A soldier asked: "Isn't it a long distance from this point to the battlefield?"...
NO SPOILING Mother with her little son was visiting an exhibition of Army weapons. The son got interested in seeing an antiaircraft missile system. He asked the sergeant in charge of presentation: "What's this?"...
MILITARY APPEARANCE ABOVE ALL A soldier in the forward trench was attacked by an enemy scout with a bayonet but managed to escape after a tough hand-to-hand tussle. Hearing the noise the battalion commander arrived wanting to know what the hell was going on....
Draft ::: Military humor and jokes....
The Biggest Lies in the Air Force... ::: Military humor and jokes....
Immutable Laws of Military Planners ::: Military humor and jokes....
General Yarborough Special Forces General Yarborough had a way of getting your attention real quick. He would enter a theater full of troops and double-time down the aisle as the troops were called to attention. After he yelled, "As you were". he would drop and do 50 pushups and then jump up and begin speaking.
On one hot summer day on Smoke Bomb Hill, the General was talking and talking until a young buck sergeant dozed off. "Sergeant-Major", yelled the General, "There's a sergeant sleeping in the front row". The SGM ran to the front of the theater and reached out to shake the sergeant awake, but General Yarborough ordered. "No Sergeant-Major, let him sleep. As long as he's asleep, he's a sergeant. When he wakes up he'll be a corporal"....
Nuts An Airborne Ranger goes into a bar. He's sitting on the stool, enjoying his drink when he hears, "You look great in that uniform!" He looks around - there's nobody near him. He hears the voice again, "No really, you look terrific with your spit-shined boots and beret." ...
The SEAL A Jump School Black Hat asked, "What does those letters on your uniform stand for?"
The SEAL replied." I'm sorry sergeant but that information is classified."
"Do you bark like a seal?" He asked.
"No and we don't do circus acts" replied the SEAL....
First jump A young soldier was making his first parachute jump. The corporal explained the procedure "You count to ten and pull the first ripcord. If the chute doesn't open, pull the second. That should do it. Then, after you land, there'll be a truck waiting to pick you up." The soldier checked his gear, called out the customary "Geronimo!" and jumped out of the plane. He counted to ten and pulled the ripcord. The chute failed to open. He pulled the second ripcord and the chute still didn't open. As he plummeted downward, he said, "I'll bet the truck won't be there either."...
You Might Be a military brat... ::: Military humor and jokes....
Historical anecdote The Seige of Badajoz Lieutenant Thomas Taylor Worsley of the 95th was hit under the ear by a musket-ball which made a circuit of his neck and turned his head permanently to the right. At Waterloo he was hit in a similar place under the other ear, which injury straightened his head again!...
CONTRADICTIONS Here's a notice that was pasted on the bulletin board of company: "The following enlisted men will pick up their Good Conduct medals at the Supply Room this afternoon. Failure to comply with this order will result in disciplinary action."...
WORTHY PUBLICITY During the war in VN the street in New York was blanketed with snow and the cold wind was blowing from the west. Suddenly one of the street peddlers began yelling, "PEACE, PEACE" A cop came up, watched the peddler for a minute, scratched his head and asked, "What are you shouting 'peace' for?"...
SERGEANT'S ENGLISH To a GI recruit the first days of Army service were like learning at a language school. The thing was that Army sergeants spoke their own English....
World War II humor On a street corner in London, 1942:...
Historical anecdote Antigonos, one of Alexander the Great's generals, had a dry sense of humour...

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