A Comparison of the U.S. Military Branches
HAIRCUTS:
MARINES: Heads will be shaved.
ARMY: Stylish flat-tops for all recruits.
NAVY: No haircut standard.
AIR FORCE: Complete make-overs as seen on the Jenny Jones show.
TRAINING HOURS:
MARINES: Reveille at 05-00, train until 20-00.
ARMY: Reveille at 06-00, train until 19-00.
NAVY: Get out of bed at 09-00, train until 11-00, lunch until 13-00, train until
16-00.
AIR FORCE: Awaken at 10-00, breakfast in bed, train from 11-00 to 12-00, lunch
at 12-00, train from 13-00 to 14-00, nap at 14-00, awaken from nap at 15-00,
training ceases at 15-00.
MEALS:
MARINES: Meals, Ready-to-Eat 3 times a day.
ARMY: One hot meal, 2 MRE's.
NAVY: 3 hot meals.
AIR FORCE: Catered meals prepared by the Galloping Gourmet, Julia Child, Wolfgang
Puck and Emeril Lagasse. All you can eat.
LEAVE and LIBERTY:
MARINES: None.
ARMY: 4 hours a week.
NAVY: 2 days a week.
AIR FORCE: For every four hours of training, recruits will receive eight hours
of leave and liberty.
PROTOCOL:
MARINES: Will address all officers as "Sir," and refer to the rank of all enlisted
members when speaking to them (i.e., Sgt. Smith).
ARMY: Will address all officers as "Sir," unless they are friends, and will
call all enlisted personnel "Sergeant."
NAVY: Will address all officers as "Skipper," and all enlisted personnel as
"Chief."
AIR FORCE: All Air Force personnel shall be on a first name basis with each
other.
DECORATIONS/AWARDS:
MARINES: Medals and badges are awarded for acts of gallantry and bravery only.
ARMY: Medals and badges are awarded for every bullet fired, every grenade thrown,
every fitness test passed, and every bed made.
NAVY: Will have ships' engineers make medals for them as desired.
AIR FORCE: Will be issued all medals and badges, as they will most likely be
awarded them at some point early in their careers anyway.
CAMOUFLAGE UNIFORMS:
MARINES: Work uniform, to be worn only during training and in field situations.
ARMY: Will wear it anytime, anywhere.
NAVY: Will not wear camouflage uniforms, they do not camouflage you on a ship.
(Ship Captains will make every effort to attempt to explain this to sailors.)
AIR FORCE: Will defeat the purpose of camouflage uniforms by putting blue and
silver chevrons and colorful squadron patches all over them.
CAREER FIELDS:
MARINES: All Marines shall be considered riflemen first and foremost.
ARMY: It doesn't matter, all career fields promote to E-8 in first enlistment
anyway.
NAVY: Nobody knows. The Navy is still trying figure out what in the hell sailors
in ABH, SMC, BNC and BSN rates do anyway.
AIR FORCE: Every recruit will be trained in a manner that will allow them to
leave the service early to go on to higher paying civilian jobs.