Newfy Terrorists Latest news reports advise that a cell of 4 terrorists has been operating in Newfoundland, Canada. Police advised earlier today that 3 of the 4 have been detained. The Newfoundland Provincial Police Commissioner stated that the terrorists Bin Sleepin, Bin Drinkin and Bin Fightin have been arrested on immigration issues. The Police advise further that they can find no one fitting the description of the fourth cell member, Bin Workin, in the province. Police are confident that anyone who looks like Workin will be very easy to spot in the community. ...
Mosquitoes In the jungles in the far-east, mosquitoes were a terrible problem. But one Commanding Officer used to sleep without his shirt in the open. The new chaps asked one of their more experienced seniors, "Doesn't he get bitten by those mosquitoes ??"...
Real Story I was stationed at N.A.S. Miramar in San Diego, CA in 1983 as a AD-2 Aviation Jet Mechanic ) when this message appeared on the Navy's Bulletin Board requesting AD's to convert to GSM's or GSE's.( Gas Turbine Mechanical or Electric )...
Resume Time An employment recruiter ("headhunter") inadvertently sent a letter to an A-10 pilot requesting his resume. His actual reply follows the request:...
Sailor and his girlfriend A sailor in the Navy who had been at sea for a long time was anxious to be reunited with his girlfriend, so he sent her the following message a few days before his ship was due back in port: "I have missed you so much and I can't wait to make love to you. I want you to come down to the pier to meet me, and I want you to bring the station wagon and have a mattress ready in the back so we can do "it" as soon as I step ashore."...
US Military Slogans United States Air Force:
When it absolutely positively has to be destroyed overnight
More flights from here to Iraq then all these major airlines
You'll love the way we fly
SNIPERS:
If you run, you'll just die tired
United States Army:
In case of asshole, break glass, sound klaxons...
Russian military humor Colonel to soldiers during some building task:
"you dig here and there, and I'll go and find out where we are supposed to dig"...
After two weeks of basic training, the drill sargent lined up his troops and asked them each who they would like to spend an hour with if given the chance right now. Several soldiers answered thier mothers, thier girlfreinds, etc. Then the sargetnt came upona unique answer....
World War II humor In a P.O.W. camp in Germany, a German guard said to an English prisoner, "Swine!!"...
Historical anecdote How to sack a divisional commander: Tewksbury, 4 May 1471....
Real Story
Halon for the 3/4-ton and a Halogen repair kit Approximately one-year ago, I received a new soldier into my squad. Tuesday's are Motor Stables (military vehicular maintenance) and I had to provide basic instruction to this soldier on how to perform Preventative Maintenance Checks and Services (PMCS)....
Cold war humor The scene: Soviet War College....
Real Story With all the jokes about playing tricks on new guys I just had to tell you all about this one. I really did this....
There are times in your life when you want to be sure you have your helmet on; your flack-jacket zipped and the collar turned up, and you have checked your ammo pouches; tightened your safety harness; and loosened the flap on your holster. To know when to do these things you must listen for the warning signs....
You know you've been in Cadets too long when... ::: Military humor and jokes....
A DEFINITION OF WATCH STANDING A lady who happened to be near a post asked a sentry what he was doing. ...
MISSING A GOOD CHANCE Father told his schoolboy son: "It's a pity you are not in the Army!"...
LONG DAY The sergeant was giving a batch of rookies an introduction to their hard life and service in the Army....
World War II humor At an RAF air-show, the Lancaster bomber made his first pass all four engines roaring. As the cheers and waves died down, he shut off one engine and made another pass. Again with only two engines, and finally a low pass with just one engine....
Historical anecdote Charades anyone? One of the (many) difficulties that plagued the Austrians in the Seven Weeks War were the multiplicity of languages used by the various nationalities that made up the army. Officers spoke German, the language of command. Unfortunately the soldiers often did not speak German; nor did the regimental commanding officers speak the regiment's native tongue. Understandably this made communication difficult. One regiment at Munchengratz was accused of cowardice after the regiment did not obey an ordered bayonet charge at the Prussian positions. One officer retorted, "The regiment fought bravely until nightfall, when the officers could no longer pantomime examples [of what was needed]."...
World War II humor It's the waning days of WWII, and two snuffies are pulling guard duty on the motor pool. It's just coming dawn, and one joe decided it's light enough to smoke, and pulls out a cigarette. He shuffles through his pockets, but can't find any c-rat matches. His buddy is out, too. Looking around, he spots a lone figure watching the sunrise. He walks over and say, "Hey, mac, got a light?". The figure quietly produces a Zippo and lights his smoke. With a "Thanks, mac", the soldier walks back over to his buddy....
Real Story
RSM has Regt on parade, officers are not on yet. Decides to size the whole bloody Regt, and calls "From the right, number!"...
IMPOSSIBLE Private Biddies appeared in his unit at last late in the night, but without his truck he was supposed
to drive....
We're Happy Little ... Exercise Tandem Thrust [now there’s a Freudian slip] is on in the Rockhampton area, with US and Australian air, land and sea forces.
In the various briefings for the visitors there is a segment on flora and fauna and what to be careful of.
In some of the briefings for US land forces they are warned about the feral koalas which lurk up in trees and drop on people before inflicting serious damage with their long claws [and these were illustrated].
The wounds so caused need lots of Vitamin E to cure, but luckily the Aussies have such stuff, this black paste which is plastered on your skin, mostly on your face to be working in case of drop bear attack.
So the hulking USMC and US Airborne are moving out on patrol and operations with Vegemite smeared on their faces. ...
Australian Military Humor
Just A Good Old Boy This Army SGT walks into a Mess in Perth and orders a white wine.
Everybody sitting around the bar looks up, surprised, and the steward looks around and says, "You ain't from around here, are you... where you from, Sergeant?"
The SGT replies, "I'm from Sydney."
The steward asks, "What the hell you do in Sydney?"
The SGT responds, "I'm a taxidermist."
The steward asks, "A taxidermist... now just what the hell is a taxidermist?"
The SGT says "I mount animals."
The steward grins and shouts out to the whole bar, "It's OK boys, he's one of us!"...
Tanks Commanding officer of a US cavalry unit during a battle game was reported to have 50 % of his tanks destroyed...
military Light bulb joke Q: How many military information officers does it take to change a lightbulb?...
Samurai Back in the time of the Samurai there was a powerful emperor who needed a new head Samurai. He sent a declaration throughout the country that he was searching for a new head Samurai. A year passed and only three people showed up to apply for the position: a Japanese Samurai, a Chinese Samurai and a Jewish Samurai. ...

HOME