Why the Army is Better Than

The Airforce

- You may be smarter, but we can run away faster.
- We don't have to constantly fight to overcome that niggling feeling that everyone else in the military is making fun of that stationary bike thing...

The Navy

- Three Words--Permanent Shore Leave
- We only have to memorize about two dozen ranks and sets of insignia. At last count, the Navy total was approaching the number of decimal places to which Caltech's supercomputer is capable of calculating pi...
- Our scandals are bigger and better than yours.

The Marines

- Unlike the Marines, the Army is only about 50% insane.
- Our delayed entry kiddies don't spew up their lunches during the "Getting to Know You" fun runs at the monthly DEP program picnic.
- There is high speed, and then there is ludicrous speed. The Army is capable of differentiating between the two.

Pizza

- Are you crazy? You KNOW this one is a joke.

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