Here is a story ridiculing the gibberish used as an official model of English
in some military documents - staff papers.
From: O.C. 1st North Blankshires
To: Brigade
Your memo (Confidential) Q.I 7845 of 2nd inst. enquiring how many ghosts (Mark
1) are borne on strength of unit under my command, and application for return
(in triplicate) of daily rations (1) consumed, (2) partly consumed, or (3) unconsumed,
by same during previous month, not understood.
H. Brasstacks, Lieut-Col
* * *
From: Brigade
To: Lieut-Col Brasstacks
Why not?
F. Buttonstick, Capt. O.B.E. for Brigade
* * *
From: Lieut-Col Brasstacks
To: Capt Buttonstick, O.B.E.
Reference attached. Your enquiry, undated. Please note, no ghosts, Mark 1 (or
any other Mark) are on strength here. Lieut (Quartermaster) Pullthrough says
he has neven seen a genuine one during 50 years service. A Nil return (in triplicate)
is accordingly appended. Please acknowledge.
* * *
From: Brigade
To: Lieut-Col Brasstacks
For your information and necessary action. The enquiry (Confidential) Q.17845
of 2nd inst., from this office referred to goats. Under the circumstances, the
Nil return forwarded by you is inapplicable. Please amend.
* * *
From: Lieut-Col Brasstacks
To: Brigade
Your typewritten memo distinctly (and legibly) said ghosts. No. 53267 Orderly-room
Sergeant (acting) Quillpusher corroborates.
* * *
From: Lieut-Col Brasstacks
To: Brigade
Regret to inform you that regimental goat has consumed original. Second-Lieut
(on Probation) Coveroff instructed to take summary of evidence at court of enquiry
and witnesses (as per margin) detailed to attend.
* * *
From: Brigade
To: 0. i/c. Administration (G)
Passed to you, please.
* * *
From: O. i/c. Administration (G)
To: Brigade
Failing production of original memo (which should be written off as "destroyed
by enemy action") it would appear that an error in draft was made by the
typist concerned. This should have been detected by you previous to despatch.
* * *
From: Brigade
To: O. i/c Administration (G)
Noted.
* * *
From: O. i/c Administration (G)
To: Brigade
Further to my previous memo, does typist draw proficiency pay?
* * *
From: Brigade
To: O. i/c Administration (G)
Not yet sanctioned.
* * *
From: O. i/c Administration (G)
To: Brigade
Send this office carbon copy of original memo. The G.O.C. wishes to see it.
* * *
From: Brigade
To: O. i/c Administration (G)
On instruction, No. 12345678 (Secret) from Brigade HdQrs, to save paper, no
carbon copy was made. What further action should be taken, please?
* * *
From: O. i/c Administration (G)
To: Brigade
None.
* * *
From: Brigade
To: Lieut-Col Brasstacks
Passed to you, please, for your information.