The Differential Theory of Special Operations Forces
OR
The Snake Model

Upon encountering a snake in the Area of Operation (AO):

Leg:
Runs screaming away from the snake.

Paratrooper:
Kills the snake.

Armor:
Runs over snake, giggles, and looks for more snakes.

Infantry (alt):
"Ugh! Me See Snake. Me Like Snake. Ouch! Me No Like Snake."

Army Aviation:
Has GPS grid to snake. Couldn't find snake. Back to base for crew rest and a manicure (Global Positioning System-mapping/finding specifics using satellites).

Ranger:
Plays with snake, then eats it.

Ranger (alt):
Assaults snake's home and secures it for use by friendly snakes.

SEAL:
Expends all ammunition, several grenades, and calls for naval gunfire in a failed attempt to kill the snake. The snake bites the SEAL then retreats to safety.

Corps Artillery:
Kills the snake, but in the process kills several hundred civilians with a massive TOT with three FA BDEs in support. Mission is considered a success and all participants are awarded Silver Stars (Cooks, Mechanics, Legal Clerks, etc).

Marine Recon:
Follows the snake and gets lost.

Combat Controller:
Guides the snake elsewhere.

Para Rescue:
Wounds the snake in the first encounter, then feverishly works to save the snake's life.

Special Forces:
Makes contact with the snake, builds rapport, wins its heart and mind, then trains it to kill other snakes.


HOME