40. You think that the S-2 (Intelligence Section) and the Fire Support Element
(FSE) are the only important sections, besides infantry of course, in the Tactical
Operations Center (TOC), and therefore fail missions miserably because you won’t
listen to anyone else.
39. You have any of the following: Ranger Tab, EIB/CIB, Parachutist Badge w/
combat star, Air Assault Badge, SCUBA badge, combat patch, but no brain.
38. You’re bewildered when you flash your Ranger tab around and no one,
but your brainless buddies, is impressed.
37. Your peers relentlessly abused you at West Point.
36. You use the term "geek mail" as an insult to technology and those
who use it, but cry like a whiny bitch for the Signal Officer (SIGO) when your
e-mail doesn’t work.
35. If you think "aggregate test" is something the SIGO does to you
to see how much he can get away with.
34. You wonder why on earth the SIGO doesn't call back when you have paged him
6 times...after the first 2,000.
33. You never bother to actually try to call his house after duty hours after
he hasn't answered your pages.
32. When there are new technologies the SIGO is trying to break the code on
and figure out, you deem it necessary to say, "Have one of your Noncommissioned
Officers (NCOs) do it." because you think the SIGO being trained as a battle
captain is more important.
31. When the SIGO is pulling his hair out trying to get things to work, you
wonder why the new technologies weren't debugged before going to the field.
30. You think the world revolves around the S3 (Operations) shop, so therefore,
all signal assets should be placed in the TOC, even though you don't know how
to use them and will yell "SIGO" every time you do want to use them.
29. You tell the SIGO to "train" his personnel on computers. Task,
Conditions, Standards...followed by a practical exercises.
28. Even though you gave a 911 call to commo to fix something that you fucked
up and can't fix yourself, you still stand over the SIGO's shoulder and sharpshoot
him.
27. You don't see a problem with #28.
26. You don't consider it to be anything important unless it is on a spreadsheet,
MOI, butcher block, matrix, chart...
25. You wonder why the S3 shop is always out of paper.
24. Your favorite words/phrases include: "status, staff it, brief, battle
staff, trigger, RETRANS station (even though you still don't know how it works),
suspense, staff huddle, make it happen,..."
23. You think the SIGO's #1 mission-essential task is to ensure that your e-mail
works.
22. You still have not figured out what "10 working days" means for
a commercial telephone drop request for field training.
21. You take out your frustrations on the SIGO because you are a "Tabless
Bitch" among the -qualified captains in the unit.
20. Even though the SIGO has told you otherwise numerous times, YOUR expert
communications opinion leaves no doubt in YOUR mind that what YOU have planned
communications-wise will work. It won’t!
19. You blame the SIGO for #20 when it doesn't work.
18. You think the best spot for communications is the low ground or in a cave.
17. You think WF-16 type telephone wire has elasticity and demand that the TOC
be placed twice the length of the wire away from the terminal.
16. Even though you did the exact opposite of what the SIGO told you to do,
you still cannot accept fault because you are not the communications guy.
15. You simply cannot understand the correlation between something suddenly
ceasing to operate and you unplugging it just seconds before.
14. You fear that someday a signal officer will shove an antenna up your ass
and key the handset on the radio because you've been such a prick your entire
military career.
13. The world appears to center around you (emphasis on "appears").
12. You weren't smart enough to be a Marine.
11. You wish MREs (rations) would come in "Superior Officer's Dick"
flavor.
10. You frequently uses grunts (pun intended) and noises, instead of connected
speech, to express thoughts and ideas.
9. Even after being informed of the time required to finish a task, you think
that continually pressuring and annoying someone speeds up the process.
8. You publicly ridicule and harass signal officers and call them geeks, but
are actually envious of their superior intelligence and common sense. You secretly
pray that someday, you'll be like one of them.
7. You think that being stupid is acceptable behavior and even boast and laugh
about your own idiocy.
6. Even the simplest of concepts from anyone other than infantry befuckles you
into a dazed stupor.
5. Your kids, when around the SIGO's kids, don't mention what daddy does for
fear of embarrassment and beatings. (or... Your kids tell everyone that their
daddy is a signal officer so the other kids will like them.)
4. You demand to have the most recent technology and gadgets at your fingertips
like the SIGO does, but have no earthly idea what they're used for, let alone
how to operate them.
3. Compared to you, a moron is pretty damn smart.
2. You find this list not the least bit funny and would like to strangle the
jesters who wrote it.
And the number one sign that you might be an infantry officer...
1. Your wife or girlfriend yells "SIGO" when the batteries die in
her vibrator.
submitted by TOC Jesters