EVERYTHING IS RELATIVE -- BY RANK
The military has many unique ways of looking at problems. Many times, even
though the personalities traits may be identical, they are always relative,
by rank. The system seems to handle each one differently. However, the lower
in rank you are, the clearer the problem becomes. ...
Lockheed - Martin Marietta - Air Force Merger
The following was given to me by someone at Kennedy Space Center, found floating
around the office. Background information. Lockheed corporation (makers of the
SR-71, F-16, C-103, U-2 (not the band silly ;-)) and many space items (including
launching the Space Shuttle), defense, etc) and Martin Marietta (makers of the
Titan II, Titan 3, Titan 4, Atlas, electronics, space craft, defense, etc.)
announced recently that they are planning in merging. This would make the company
the largest defense / space company in the world. The merger has to be approved
by the US Gov't....
Anecdote
After losing an eye while fighting in the British amy during World War II,
Moshe Dayan wore a distinctive eyepatch. One day, he was stopped for speeding
by a military policeman. "I have only one eye," Dayan protested. "What
do you want me to watch - the speedometer or the road!"...
You might be MI if.... ::: Military jokes and
humor daily...
Hurry up and wait. ::: Military jokes and humor
daily...
You may be a ‘Redneck Marine’ if...
you got a Porta-John in back of
your Hummer. ...
Civil War Humor
Missouri Gold: The Struggle for Lexington, Mo.
In September of 1861, Confederate Gen. Sterling Price led a ragtag army
into northern Missouri in hopes of reclaiming the state for the Confederacy.
On September 12 he met Union forces near Lexington, Mo. under the command of
Col. James A. Mulligan and prepared to lay siege to the city. Mulligan and his
2700 men held out for a week until lack of water and ammunition forced them
to surrender on Sept. 20. During the siege Price's men employed 'mobile breastworks'
made of hemp bales soaked in water to advance against the entrenched Yankees....
Real Story
This may sound too corny to be true, but I swear on my Sergeant's hooks that
it really happened:...
Second World War, summer 1940
A number of junior army officers were gathered for a TEWT (Tactical Exercise
Without Troops). Most of them were young men who had just joined their unit.
However, there was one Lieutenant at least twenty year older that the rest sporting
a chest full of medals ribbons from the Great War....
Russian Military Joke.
Experiment
A private is standing at an aquarium. Sergeant says to him:
- What the heck are you doing?
- I am experimenting on superiority of higher mind over lower. See, I look straight
at the fish, then I point my eyes to the right- they swim to the right. I point
to the left- they swim to the left.
- Get the hell outa here and wait outside.
There have been a coupla hours and the sergeant is still in. Finally the private
dares to look in. So he finds his sergeant opening and closing his mouth monotonically....
Orders. ::: Military jokes and humor daily...
Anecdote General Grant, who took a surprisingly small interest in military affairs,
was once introduced to the second Duke of Wellington. "They tell me,"
Grant remarked, "that your father was also a military man." ...
United States Armed Forces Voicemail
Thank you for calling the U.S. Armed Forces. ...
Canadian Military Humor Fat Recruit
One morning at the Canadian Forces Basic Training Unit in Cornwallis, Nova
Scotia, the RSM was inspecting a recruit course on the parade square. He came
across a particularly pudgy recruit and poking his pace stick into the recruit's
abdomen he said, "Private, on the end of this pace stick is a fat slob."
The recruit replied, "Not on this end sir."...
Surface to Air Missile... ::: Military jokes
and humor daily...
Leg over. ::: Military jokes and humor daily...
You may be a ‘Redneck Marine’ if... You may be a ‘Redneck Marine’ if you shout “YeeeeHowwww”
every time you go into battle. ...
Anecdote At one point during the Normandy invasion on D-Day in 1944, the ratio of men
to officers approached an astounding 5 to 1. "Never in the history of human
combat," Taylor declared, "have so few been led by so many."...
Civil War Humor
Soiled Doves of Gettysburg
There exists some evidence that during the Confederate invasion of Pennsylvania
in the summer of 1863, Lee's army was engaged in rounding up escaped slaves
and returning them to the South. There has been much speculation as to the fate
of those captured blacks and as to who authorized the round-up. The following
account explores a much darker, and heretofore unknown, conspiracy...
Dear Abby
I have a problem. I have two brothers. One brother is a boatswain in the Navy,
the other was put to death in the electric chair for a gruesome multiple murder.
My mother died from insanity caused by syphilis when I was three years old.
My sisters are prostitutes, and my father sells narcotics to high school students.
Recently I met a girl who was just released from prison. She was sentenced for
smothering her illegitimate child to death. I want to marry her.
My problem is - if I marry this girl, should I tell her about my brother who
is a Boatswain Mate.?
Sign Dilemma...
Air Force denies stories of UFO crash Valles Marineris (MPI) - A spokesthing for Mars Air Force denounced as false
rumors that an alien space craft crashed in the desert, outside of Ares Vallis
on Friday. Appearing at a press conference today, General Rgrmrmy The Lesser,
stated that "the object was, in fact, a harmless high-altitude weather
balloon, not an alien spacecraft." ...
Swimming in German army From the German Army Hand-Book: ...
Army roll call It was early morning at an Army camp and the first sergeant was calling out
names for the daily work parties listed on a piece of paper: ...
As the Korean war was at a stalemate the US realized that they didn't
know how many prisoners they had so they appointed a Marine Colonel to
do a census of all the prison camps. ...
Anecdote During the brutal winter at Valley Forge, Washington frequently made the rounds
to comfort and boost the morale of his men. One day he chanced upon a certain
Private John Brantley drinking stolen wine with some fellow soldiers:...
British surgeon and Australian 'digger' A very posh British surgeon at a field hospital looks down at at bleeding
and moaning Australian 'digger':...
You may be a ‘Redneck Marine’ if... You may be a ‘Redneck Marine’ if you refer to your 5-Ton Oshkosh
as your Monster Truck. ...
The General-in-training There was this General-in-training, and his superiors were asking him questions
"What happened on June 6, 1944?"
"We stormed the beach at Normandy, which later became known as D-Day, sir!"
"What was the turning point of world war 2?"
"Battle of the bulge, sir!"
"What's is the importance of May 12" The Man thought and thought "I
don't know, sir!"
The superior then said "Well, I'll tell your wife that you forgot her birthday"...
U-Boat A couple was touring a shipyard area in a coastal city of Italy when they
saw a strange looking craft. They stopped and asked a worker, "Sir, is
that a U-boat?
"No," he replied, shesa belonga to da goverment." ...
British Army's answering machine HELLO …? IS THAT THE BRITISH ARMY? ...
Rules for Gun Fighting ...