This may sound too corny to be true, but I swear on my Sergeant's hooks that it really happened:
Canadian field rations (IMPs; Individual Meal Packets) usually come with a small loaf of bread individually packaged in its own foil wrapper. The wrapper is labeled: 'Bread/ Petit Pain' and under it in fairly bold lettering is the phrase: Do not Eat....and then in slightly smaller print is 'dessicant package' the item referred to in the warning.
First time recruits who see the bread sometimes at first glance think it means not to eat the bread. There is usually some snickering about it, but it is pretty self explanatory. The dessicant package is a tiny little packet of some chemical or other that is supposed to help keep te bread from spoiling I suppose. I've also seen them in shoe boxes...
Anyway, the point of this story:
I was instructing on an Infantry course at ATC Meaford, a Master Corporal at the time, and one day we were eating lunch near the trenches the troops had been digging. While i'm munching away I glance over at one of my trainees. (we'll call him Private X).
Now Private X is drinking from his water bottle and spitting it out. I calmly analyze the scene before me. I notice on his palm is a powdery residue...with drag-marks through it...like a tongue would make. I thought maybe it was juice crystals as I continued to let my gaze lower. I noticed the bread package open, and then laying nearby is the tiny dessicant package...torn open. It hits me just as he spits again.
"Private X," i say, "You didn't just eat what was in that little packet did you?"
He looks at me, a dear-in-the-headlights sort of look. I start laughing despite myself.
"You dumb...person..." i gasp, "You aren't supposed to eat that stuff!"
"How was i supposed to know?" he pleads. I snatch up the little dessicant package and hold it up to his face. Right off the packet, I read the words 'Do not Eat' and I even point to the little red pictogram of a fork and knife crossed out.
I went to go and tell some of the other instructors what was going on, trying to compose myself...
Later on, after the medics had been contacted, and he'd had a lot of ribbing from the other troops, he says to me,
"Master Corporal, I don't see why it's so funny. I'm probably not the only guy that's ever done that."
After a short pause I agreed. "You're right Private X, but after the first guy did it, then they put the warnings on."
In case anyone is wondering, the result is explosive diarrhea. I would not be surprised if this anecdote has not spread quite a bit over the last six years to be recounted for new recruits when first introduced to IMPs
By Sgt JP Crough
Hastings and Prince Edward Regiment
HOME Real Story. Canadian military humo