Good One! During an exercise, a sign on a bridge tells everyone "This bridge is destroyed".
The exercise commences, and the Brig scans around with his binoculars.
Suddenly, he sees a line of soldiers walking over the closed bridge!
The General jumps in his Jeep and races down the hill to the bridge to have a word with these subjects.
As he approaches, he can see that the first soldier in line carries a poster: "We swim". ...
EVERYTHING ELSE I LEARNED ABOUT LIFE, I LEARNED IN MILITARY INTELLIGENCE
- Say what you think is happening, say what you know is happening, estimate the outcome and always make the differentiation when you do. ...
LONGER DISTANCE At a lesson in topography a soldier was asked:...
Your a warrant officer if 1. When out in public you feel the urge to snap
your fingers at children you do not know and correct their behavior...
WHO'S CRAZY? It was the psychiatrist's turn to ask a prospective soldier under medical examination at the medical board at the recruiting center. ...
Russian Military Joke A drunken warrant officer comes home and commands his wife:...
MAKES SENSE For those of you never in the military, it seems all branches try to reduce any/all situations to writing. ...
GOOD ANSWER On patrol, the Officer of the Deck asked the starboard lookout what he would do if a man fell overboard.
"I would shout 'Man overboard'," the sailor replied.
The OD then asked what he would do if an officer fell overboard.
The sailor paused and thought, then said, "Which one Sir?" ...
GOOD LOOKIN' A rather old minesweeper was cruising a lonely stretch of the South Pacific and was overtaken by a new Australian cruiser. All the US sailors admired the new ship and the Captain sent a blinker-light message to the Aussies: "You are beautiful."...
SIGN Because of the unusual duty hours at a Naval Air Station, you could

pretty much find something to eat at almost any hour. At one Chow Hall the
Chief in charge always used to post a sign: "Sorry, we're open!" ...
DUH Some of those simulated tactical situations that they gave us were so
easy though. One instructor said, "You have two enemy craft of your tail
closing at 400 knots. What's the very first thing you do ?"
I mean, how simple can you get? The obvious answer to anyone should
be: "do 450 knots." (a knot = about 1.15 miles per hour) ...
Difference What is the difference between a commissioned and a warrant officer?...
DIDN'T THINK OF THAT Enlistment officer to recruit: "And another advantage in making a
career of the Army is that you avoid the constant worry of being called-up
into the service." ...
Whip Me? During the Vietnam war years, I was invited to join the Army - but I enlisted in the Navy. During the first few days of boot camp, our Company Commander - a crusty old first class petty officer who had been in the Navy for about 200 years - lined the entire company of new recruits up in front of him at attention and said in a gruff voice, "Does ANYONE here think they can whip me???" ...
WILLING COOPERATION Tired of incessant efforts to make Private Walkie toe the line in the company the sergeant tried another angle. "Walkie, I'd like to go through one whole day without once reprimanding or punishing you."...

SIMPLE SOPHISTICATION A soldier on leave was trying to impress his girl with his learning standards....
GOOD MAN The instructor in a basic-training course asked a recruit what he would
do if he saw a figure crawling toward his post while on assigned guard duty.
"Why, I'd help the Officer to his quarters." said the recruit.
Drill Sergeant to recruit: "Wipe that opinion off your face !" ...
EASY TO MATCH Two young soldiers were exchanging their experiences of the service in the Army. "My sergeants are wonderful", said one soldier....
EVERYTHING IS RELATIVE -- BY RANK
The military has many unique ways of looking at problems. Many times, even though the personalities traits may be identical, they are always relative, by rank. The system seems to handle each one differently. However, the lower in rank you are, the clearer the problem becomes ...
DIRECT Modern warfare is a complicated business, but during the Civil War
things were much simpler. An Arkansas Colonel, with no real formal military
training, had his own method of command for his cavalry troop. For example,
to get the men on their horses:
His first command was: "Prepare to git on your critters."
This was closely followed by: "Git!" ...
F16 and a flying carpet An American fighter pilot was flying his F16 aircraft over Afghanistan, when he noticed a flying carpet on his left hand side, manned by a man with a machine gun. He looked to his right and saw another carpet alongside, also manned by a man with a machine gun.
He thought ' I've got to get out of this', so he accelerated flat out and put his plane into a high speed loop and came up behind both carpets, which he shot down. ...

Afghanistan Christmas Carol T' was the night before Christmas and all through the Land,
They're running like rabbits in Afghanistan,
Osama's been praying, he's down on his Knees,
He's hoping that Allah will hear all his Pleas.
He thought if he killed us that we'd fall and Shatter,
But all that he's done is just make us Madder.
We ain't yet forgotten our Marines in Beirut,
And we'll kick your butt, with one heavy Boot....
Coast Guard Christmas Twas the night before Christmas and all through each state,...
CHRISTMAS GIFTS: VERY SHORT BOOKS FOR MILITARY READERS: McNamara on Victory by Historian and Scholar Arthur Schlesinger, Jr. ...

T'was the night before Christmas
He lived all alone,
In a one bedroom house made of
Plaster and stone.
I had come down the chimmey
With presents to give,
And to see just who
In this home did live.
I looked all about,
A strange sight I did see,
No tinsel, no presents,
Not even a tree.
No stocking by mantel,
Just boots filled with sand,
On the wall hung pictures
Of far distant lands.
With medals and badges,
Awards of all kinds....
The VA Loan Some years ago, a New Orleans lawyer sought a direct Veterans Administration loan for a client. He was told that the loan would be approved if he could provide proof of clear title to the property offered as collateral. The title for the property in question was complicated and he spent a considerable amount of time reviewing all pertinent documents back to 1803. Satisfied with the depth and expanse of his examination, he submitted the information to the VA....
Helicopters Are Different From Airplanes The thing is, helicopters are different from planes. An airplane by its nature wants to fly, and if not interfered with too strongly by unusual events or by a deliberately incompetent pilot, it will fly....
MORE DIRECT During the Vietnam war in the US, feelings ran high both for and
against the war. In one school district, all fifth graders were assigned to
write a letter to "Any Marine, Vietnam".
When the hundreds of letters were delivered, one Marine opened his and
found the salutation: "Dear War Victim." ...
How to tell if you're a Military Pagan 1. When you use a flame-thrower to light the altar candles....
A Marine Wife's Perspective Here are some of my experiences as to what it has been like being married to a Marine for the past 30 years....
"C-Rations... A Love Story" I have to tell someone. Keeping it a secret all these years has taken its toll on my sanity. You're the only one I trust and hope you will understand. Don't judge me too harshly....

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