IT'S A LONG WAY...
UNBOTHERED BY SLANG
A new MP was asked how he feels when GIs call him 'pig'.
"That doesn't bother me," he replied. "What I can't get used
to, though, is people calling me 'sir'."...
Thoughts on Command and Control Warfare
The Generations of Command and Control Warfare (as told by the prophet) ...
Home from the War...
A Young Soldier's Letter Home
"Dear Dad," read the young soldier's first letter home. "I cannot
tell you where I am, but yesterday I shot a polar bear..."...
After a Long Day at Battle......
Fall In, You Bastards
"All right, you bastards, fall in - on the double!" barked the sergeant
as he strode into the barracks. Each soldier grabbed his hat and jumped to his
feet, expect one - a private who lay in his bunk reading a book.
"Well?" roared the sergeant.
"Well," observed the private, "there certainly were a lot of
them, weren't there?...
A Boy Is Leading a Donkey
One day some soldiers from a nearby Army camp saw a boy leading a donkey.
They thought they would have some fun with him.
"Say, boy," called out one of the soldiers. "You sure are keeping
a tight rein on your brother, aren't you?"
"Sure am," said the boy. "If I didn't he would probably join
the Army."...
What to Expect From Jump School
After enlisting in the 82nd Airborne Division, I eagerly asked my Recruiter
what I could expect from jump school.
"Well," he said, "it's three weeks long."
"What else," I asked.
"The first week they separate the men from the boys," he said.
"The second week, they separate the men from the fools."
"And the third week?" I asked.
"The third week, the fools jump."...
The Irish declare war on Saddam
One boring afternoon, Saddam Hussein was sitting in his office wondering who
to invade when his telephone rang....
MARCHING ORDERS...
During World War II Richard Wynn, on flight duty with the 8th Air Force Division
in Europe was shot down and captured by the Germans. After a year as prisoner
of war, he escaped and made his way back to his bomber group in England. One
of his first acts there was to hunt up the corporal on duty in the parachute
building....
As a sergeant in a parachute regiment I took part in serveral night time excersises.
Once, I was seated next to a Lieutenant fresh from Jump School. He was quiet
sad looked a bit pale so I struck up a conversation. "Scared, Lieutenant?",
I asked. He replied, "No, just a bit apperhensive." I asked, "What's the diffrence??"
He replied, "That means I'm scared with a university education." ...
A man was being interviewed for a job. ...
MESSAGE FROM THE DUKE OF WELLINGTON TO THE BRITISH FOREIGN
OFFICE IN LONDON--
written from Central Spain, August 1812...
From one of Tom
Clancy's books...
Army, Navy, Air Force, and Marine Generals were standing in front of a rappelling
tower with a Navy Admiral. The Air Force General says to the others, "My
men are the most courageous of the Armed Forces." "Ha!", said
Army, "My men are the most courageous and I'll prove it."...
Military Jokes. Military humor....
A sergeant was passing the barracks after lights out, when
he heard some voices from inside. He slammed open the door, and shouted: Listen,
you guys! A few minutes ago, you all heard me say good night. What you must
realize, is that when I say "Good Night," what I really mean is "Shut up!!!"
The room instantly fell silent. But after a few seconds,
a small voice could be heard from somewhere in the far back of the dark room:
"Good Night, Sergeant"...
A trainee was asked by Company Commander what was the first thing to do when
cleaning a rifle.
The trainee responded, "Check the serial number."
The instructor, a crusty old Marine barked, "Check the serial number ???
What the hell for ???"
"To be sure I'm cleaning MY rifle." replied the trainee.
...
Russian War College...
At Dyess Air Force Base, the Airman on the switchboard in the Comm Center answered
the "Military Affiliated Radio System" (MARS) with: "MARS Station,
Airman Smith speaking." ...
Twas the Night Before Christmas
He lived all alone,
In a one bedroom house
Made of plaster and stone....
MEMORANDUM FROM: MG CLAUS, Commander, Joint Arctic Operations Detachment
Subject: Distinguished Visitor
Date: Monday, December 14, 1998 ...
Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the skies,...
WHERE THE HELL'S THE ENEMY? ...
BACK IN ENGLAND...
An old-timer PFC in a unit failed to notice a passing second lieutenant who
was obviously a newcomer to both the service and the unit....
HEIR GENERAL...
During a parade when soldiers were marching in review, the general on the stand
noticed that the band was not putting out a full effort. Some of the musicians
were obviously goldbricking, merely holding their instrument while the others
were playing.
The general called up the bandsmaster and berated him for allowing such malingering.
The bands master explained that some instruments had 'rests'.
"No rests while on duty. Only work. You heard my orders," insisted
the general. "Carry out."
The ensuing music was peculiar but nobody could complain about weak volume....
EXPRESSION SUPPLEMENTED...