Russian milirary humor, officer, paddy, pigeon, private, submarine jokes, military commander, captain, army, soldier jokes

WEIGHTY REASONS A GI was alone in a train car. All of a sudden, a man broke in with a pistol pointed at the soldier....
CORRECT COUNT A cadet was making his first parachute jump. The instructor noticed with a sinking heart that the chute was not opening....
HIGHBROW REPORT After turning in from a four to eight watch the seaman overslept and missed muster. When questioned he said: "Due to my metabolic inability to cope with change I did not respond to external stimuli and remained in a comatose condition."...
Russian milirary humor American journalist in Chechnya talking to a Russian military official:
-- General, I'd like to meet one of your courageous Russian soldiers....
OVERHEARD AT DISPENSARY The commander told the executive officer of his unit, "I think we are going to transfer nurse Janes."...

Russian milirary humor, officer, soldier jokes, paddy, pigeon, private, submarine jokes, military commander, captain, army

JUST KEEP IT QUIET A naval officer fell overboard and was rescued by a deckhand. The officer asked the sailor how he could reward him....
AUXILIARY POWER During a tour of a submarine base a group of visitors were taken through a nuclear submarine. The officer escorting them laid great stress on the fact that redundancy is provided for all major components except the engine....
TRADITIONAL A private complained to his friend: "All sergeants are the same in the language they use. Whatever you ask them they forget how rich English is in all sorts of phrases and words. They use only one and the same stereotype word. Do you know what it is?"...
Russian milirary humor First year sailors decided to leave their duty wilfully and play hooky. They opened the tambour and all the water gushed in... Yes, it's hard to escape from a submarine. ! ...

Russian milirary humor, soldier jokes, officer, paddy, pigeon, private, submarine jokes, military commander, captain, army

MATRIMONIAL QUICKIE The private pleaded for a leave on the ground that his wife needed him home. Sarcasmed the sergeant: "Do you place your wife before duty to your country, Wilson?"...
ZERO LEVEL FLIGHT A traffic cop stopped a speeding car driven by an Air Force officer. "Was I driving too fast?" the pilot asked....
LOVELY DREAM "I've had a lovely dream," yawned the private stretching himself at his bunk....
A good Catholic An Army chaplain, walking through a notorious section of town, saw a soldier exiting a known house of prostitution....
WOMAN TALKING: WHEN I JOINED THE AIR FORCE IN 1974, I WAS SO GULLIBLE ENOUGH TO BELIEVE MY RECRUITER WHEN HE SAID, "DON'T WORRY. ALL THE WOMWN IN 'PAVEMENT MAINTENANCE' WORK STRICTLY IN THE SHOP'S EQUIPMENT -ISSUE ROOM. YOU WON'T HAVE TO DO MANUALLABOR OUTSIDE....
NEW DOCTRINAL TERMS New terms are developed everyday in the services. These new terms put things in their proper perspective. Most are eloquent and protect you in today's PC environment. Some are more apropro than others. Here are a few that are relevant in today's services.... ASSMOSIS: The process by which some people seem to absorb success and promotability by kissing up to the commander. This process can be observed first-hand whenever senior field grade officers are near general officers. ...
WINGS The chaplain delivered a sermon to an audience of airmen in an Air Force unit. A skeptic pilot decided to rub the chaplain....
Humorous true story During the Gulf War at a port in Saudi Arabia, tensions were high after a credible witness reported seeing suspicious divers exiting the water, then suddenly re-enter when spotted. Coast Guard Port Security Unit patrol boats were in the area at the time and aggressively searched for divers, bubbles, suspicious items left, anything to confirm or deny the divers existence. Nothing was found. Word of this sighting spread like wildfire throughout the military units at the port....
Old Soldiers...

Russian milirary humor, officer, soldier jokes, paddy, pigeon, private, submarine jokes, military commander, captain, army

Russian milirary humor An ensign is walking along the street, wearing different colored shoes - one's black, and the other one's brown. A major stops him and says:
-Ensign! Go home and change your shoes.
-I can't, major, says ensign, the ones I've got at home are just like the ones I'm wearing. ...
World War II humor A young german officer went into a bar in Paris to have a drink and get a bit of strange the place was full of drunken germans celebrating the fall of the city he got his drink and looked around the bar with that look that only german officers have his eyes stopped on this really good looking french bird, you know the type big red lips, long black hair, great boobs, a long split up one side of skirt and a beret that looked like a fryin pan. ...
PROPER ASSIGNMENT The assignment officer asked an Army enlistee: "What was your job before the Army, Smith?"...

Russian milirary humor, officer, soldier jokes, military commander, paddy, pigeon, private, submarine jokes, captain, army

GOOD LUCK Private Wilson was riding a motorcycle when he hit a pedestrian....
Two ex squaddies Two ex squaddies had left the army and hit hard times, both ended up as down and outs sitting on a bench drinking meths and cider. ...
First World War Joke In the trenches of the First World War a load of troops are hemmed in by the Germans and they're awaiting orders via a carrier pigeon. They see the pigeon approaching with a message and then the pigeon falls from the sky.
The Captain then asks for a volunteer to go and get the message from the pigeon--nobody steps forward except daft Paddy. He says, "I'll go for my country". Anyway, he crawls out of the trench and all you hear are bullets, mortar, bombs, etc. and everyone thinks Paddy is dead. Two hours later Paddy arrives back into the trench and everyone cheers for his safe return.
The Captain asks, "Did you get to the pigeon?"
Paddy says, "Yes".
The Captain says, "Did it have a message?"
Paddy says, "Yes".
The Captain says, "What was the message?" ...

Russian milirary humor, officer, soldier jokes, paddy, humor, pigeon, private, submarine jokes, military commander, captain, army

HELP! HELP! On board a submarine during a surface transit in heavy weather, waves were regularly breaking over the bridge. The bridge watch were getting soaked. As one particularly large wave was about to break on top of them, the lockout turned to the officer of the deck (OOD)....
NO TIME FOR ACCIDENT Private Gregory was on the carpet before the unit commander. The commander said: "Gregory, the report by MP here says you've wrecked your truck. How many miles per hour were you making?"...
STRAIGHT An applicant at the naval school was asked: "Do you know the Strait of Magellan?"
"No, I've never had any boxing bout with the guy."...
REALISM At an exhibition of military painting a visitor was admiring a picture. ...
Russian milirary humor A soldier is being led to the place of his execution.
-Some bad weather we`re having,-he says to his convoy....
Military Planner's Rule of Management
A "Personals" Ad From The Pentagon ...

Russian milirary humor, officer, soldier jokes, paddy, pigeon, private, submarine jokes, military commander, captain, army

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