military jokes, military humor, russian army jokes, World War II, Vietnam war humor

Master Chief gets home... When the Master Chief gets home about 9:30 his wife confronts him and asks him where he's been. The man says, "I cannot lie to you. I spent the better part of the day with my secretary in a motel room, then I fell asleep, woke up later, and came right home."...
Russian army joke A general calls a colonel:...
Tough SFer An ex-SFer went to a dentist with a tooth ache. The dentist said hewould have to pull the tooth. The SFer said go ahead but I am tough anddon't need any pain killer, I've only felt pain twice in my whole life. The dentist thought he would humor him by not deadening the tooth kowing the pain would get to him. The SFer sat througout the extraction & didn't *flinch*. The dentist was amazed and said he had never had anyone sit through an extraction without pain killer. He then asked what in the world were the two times. The SFer said, "I was on a field exercise and had to take a crap real bad and I found a bent over tree to sit on.Well it was a big turd and when it hit the ground it triggered a bear trap that snapped on my balls that was the first time I ever felt real pain and the second was when I hit the end of the 8 foot chain." ...
World War II Joke During World War II, a British pilot was shot down while on a bombing mission over Germany. He sustained terrible injuries when he crash-landed, but he was pulled unconscious from his plane and taken to a German military hospital to recover....

keywords: military jokes, military humor, russian army jokes, World War II, Vietnam war humor

Rejected names for military campaigns Operation Attack at 3:30 a.m. Sharp From the Western Flank...
Grab Bag of Jarhead Jokes Q: "What has an IQ of 42?"
A: "40 Marines plus their lieutenant" ...
General Minh (Vietnam war joke) ::: Military humor & jokes....
Air Force One The story goes that Air Force One was over the UK a few years ago and called up a USAF base "Requesting Radar". ...
Military Lightbulb Jokes Q: How many British navy Officers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Only one, but it takes him seven weeks to get there....
You know you've had to much ROTC when... ::: Military humor & jokes...
My First Public War
During the Vietnam War, a hillbilly soldier shot about a dozen of the enemy during his first battle. ...
You know you've had too much civil air patrol when....
When you stand at ease when you are talking to your friends.
When you are walking with friends you are always on step with them.
You know how to iron and sew better then your mom.
When you see bootcamp-like shows you laugh at how easy it is.
You know what semper viligance always viligant is and what it means.
You say left left left right, right your left in your head while walking.
You know the marines are jarheads.
You know people from all over the area....
The snapping turtle A bus of troops just arrived at the army base. They got of the bus and saw the sargent. He said,"we are going on a hike to find out who are the real men." so they all went hiking for about 5 miles and the sargent stopped, looked around and picked up a snapping turtle. Then he pulled down his pants leet it bite his dick and stood there gritting his teeth. About 30 sec. Later he poked it in the eyes and it ran off. He looked up and said,"any of you man enough to do that?" then a few sec. Later a man raised his hand and said,"sir, I will as long as you dont poke me in the eyes." ...
Special Orders Horror gripped the heart of the World War I soldier as he saw his lifelong friend fall in battle. Caught in a trench with continuous gunfire whizzing over his head, the soldier asked his lieutenant if he might go out into the "No Man's Land" between the trenches to bring his fallen comrade back. ...
In the Beginning "In the beginning was the word and the word was God. In the beginning was God and all else was darkness and void, and without form, so God created the heavens and earth. He created the sun and the moon and the stars, so light might pierce the darkness. The Earth, God divided between the land and the sea, and these he filled with many assorted creatures. The dark, salty, slimy, creatures which inhabited the murky depths of the ocean he called Sailors. ...
Military humor & jokes...
Marching Recruits As he was drilling a batch of recruits, the sergeant saw that one of them was marching out of step. Going to the man as they marched, he said sarcastically: "Do you know they are all out of step except you?"
"What?" asked the recruit innocently.
"I said -- they are all out of step except you!" thundered the sergeant.
"Well, sarge, you're in charge -- you tell them!" ...

keywords: military jokes, military humor, russian army jokes, World War II, Vietnam war humor

Marine and sailors ::: Military humor & jokes...
Sarge Short-sighted sarge: "Attention! You also, you little one in the back row with the red cap!"...
Russian army joke A sergeant instructs a sentry:...
Pentagon Plans to Nuke the Moon The Pentagon: It has been revealed that a secret U.S. project in the 1950's called for detonating an atom bomb on the moon as a demonstration of the nation's Cold War might. The project was never carried out. But the planning included calculations by astronomer Carl Sagan - then a young graduate student. Officials believed that viewing the nuclear flash from Earth might have intimidated the Soviets and boosted Americans' confidence. A missile was to carry a small nuclear device and launched toward the moon, where it would be detonated upon impact. Officials apparently abandoned the idea because of the danger to people on Earth in case of a failure....
Miss Sea duty?
If your longing for sea duty, here are 22 simple steps to simulating life in the Navy. 1. Sleep on the shelf in your closet. Replace the closet door with a curtain. Six hours after you go to sleep, have your wife whip open the curtain, shine a flashlight in your eyes and mumble "Sorry, wrong rack"....

keywords: military jokes, military humor, russian army jokes, World War II, Vietnam war humor

Bizarre Military Mishaps Two U.S. Air Force F-15s shoot down two U.S. Army helicopters on a diplomatic mission over Iraq, mistaking them for hostile aircraft in the "no-fly zone," killing 26 people. No one was found criminally responsible. ...
Getting an M.E. Exemption A draftee went in for his physical wearing a truss and with a little convincing acting got his papers marked M.E. for Medically Exempt....
Purpose Colin Powell, once USA's highest ranking military officer, (now Secretary of State), loves to relate this incident from his Vietnam days. It shows the importance of clear objectives. ...
Airman Jones Airman Jones comes straight to his commanding officer. He complains that his Sergeant is totally nuts and out to get him. Jones adds, "I wouldn't be surprised if Sergeant asked me to jump into a lake." The commanding officer says "I don't think that's right, but if it ever happens, report to me directly." Noting the thrilled expression on the airman's face, he adds...
Top 10 reasons Mennonites don't join the military.
10) Mennonites are no good at taking orders.
9) Uniforms look too much like plain coats to urban Mennonites.
8) Marching cadences can't be sung to four-part harmony.
7) Drill sergeants take "go the second mile" literally ...

keywords: military jokes, military humor, World War II, russian army jokes, Vietnam war humor

Live Rounds Too Expensive for Royal Navy LONDON - After reading this Rosie O'Donnell may move to England! In a bid to save money British defense commanders have ordered Royal Navy recruits to shout "BANG" instead of firing live rounds in exercises. Media reports said trainee gunners at the land-based HMS Cambridge near Plymouth, England, were told to load shells, take aim and shout "BANG" into a microphone....
The Differential Theory of US Armed Forces (Snake Model) upon encountering a snake in the Area of Operations or A Diversified Approach to Military Operations: Infantry: Snake smells them, leaves area....
Russian army joke Soldier Ivanov was ordered to peel a barrel of potatos....
The hat A Colonel in the Guards was notorious for failing to pay his bills on time, if ever....

keywords: military jokes, military humor, Vietnam war humor, russian army jokes, World War II

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