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The Top 15 Drill Sergeant Pick-Up Lines ::: Military jokes and humor daily...
You're Not a Marine ::: Military jokes and humor daily...
Times are Tough
Everybody knows how gung-ho marines are, and how they're always looking for
things to volunteer for, right?
Well, a Marine sees a flyer that is advertising a project to cross a human male
with a female gorilla. The flyer asks him to participate in the project for
$500. The guy figures, okay, and he goes to the research facility where the
experiment is going on.
He walks in, and the project director shows him the gorilla. The Marine thinks
for a minute, then says, "okay, I've got three conditions: first, no kissing.
I'm not gonna kiss that hairy beast; Second, I'm not gonna spend the night.
I'm gonna do my thing and
...
I'd Rather Have the Ticket
An Air Force Colonel was driving in the housing area one day and approached
a stop sign. He barely slowed down and ran right through the stop sign after
glancing for traffic. What the officer didn't know was that a security policeman
was watching the intersection. The SP pulled out after him and stopped the car
two blocks away.
SP: "ID Card, License, registration and proof of insurance please."
Colonel: "Before I give it to you, tell me what the heck you stopped me
for, *Airman*."
SP: "Watch your tone sir; you ran that stop sign back there!"
Colonel: "Airman, I slowed down, what the heck is the difference?"
The SP pulled out his night-stick and began whacking the Colonel over the ...
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Justice
A judge to an ousted member of the military junta in Argentina:
- You are being judge for the murder of 30 people, deprivation of liberty, kidnapping
and two parking tickets. What do you have to say about this?
- It must be an error
...
A Head for Numbers
(A true story)
In this particular branch of the Army's officer training school, the instructor
was returning a test. The students identified their work by the last four digits
of their Social Security number. In the early hours of a morning, the instructor
was calling the numbers.
"Four-seven-seven-zero?" he asked.
"Here," replied one half-awake lieutenant-to-be. Taking the paper,
though,
he realized he had mistakenly asked for the wrong paper ...
All A General's GI's Are On Dates ::: Military jokes and humor daily...
Two Men Boast About Army Days
Two men were boasting to each other about their old army days. "Why,
my outfit was so well drilled," declared one, "that when they presented
arms all you could hear was slap, slap, click."
"Very good," conceded the other, "but when my company presented
arms...
Air Force Squawks ::: Military jokes and humor daily...
Hell ::: Military jokes and humor daily...
A Chief Of Staff Recruits A Pilot ::: Military jokes and humor daily...
The Tough Marine
At the end of the night a Marine leaves a bar.
Outside he sees a nun. He walks over to her and slaps her in the face. Then
he punches her in the stomach and knocks her over.
He proceeds to kick her several times and when he's done he bends down to her
and says, "Not as tough as a Marine, are you Batman?" ...
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You're an Old Soldier If... ::: Military jokes and humor daily...
Military Rules for the Non-Military Personnel
Dear Civilians, ...
SAILORS' INSTRUCTOR'S FIRST FAILURE
Some boys join the navy when they are quite young, and are then given a course
of training as sailors. It is a long course, both on land and at sea, and during
it the boys study things like mathematics and science, learn to tie knots, fire
guns, and do other practical things. ...
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humor daily...
PERFECT GENTLEMAN
One day a sergeant of long service standing was trying to teach a bunch of
raw recruits how to handle the rifle. The rookies were firing hither and yon
and finally one of them shot the serge in the seat of his breeches.
"You dumb, censored, son
of censored, censored, censored,"
screamed the serge.
A second lieutenant who was with the group cautioned, "Remember, serge,
you're in the New Army. No profanities."
The sergeant apologized to the officer and turned back to the recruit. "My
goodness gracious," he said, "What on earth was your motivation in
shooting me with unwarranted expenditure of valuable ammunition?" ...
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Coffee Anyone?
In the Bundeswehr (West German army) a company of soldiers decided to have
some fun with their company cook, a short, fat, very un-martial young man. So
every morning before he woke up, one of them would defecate into his boot. The
amazing thing was that the cook accepted this treatment silently. Every morning
he would clean out his boot and go to work as if nothing was wrong.
After several weeks of this, the soldiers began to tire of the game; it wasn't
very much fun because the cook never reacted, and they were beginning to feel
guilty as well. So they sent a delegation to apologize to him and promise to
mend their ways.
The cook heard them out, then said, "You are going to stop shitting in
my boots? Fine, then I will stop pissing in your coffee." ...
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The Escort
An F-117 was flying escort with a B-52 and generally making a nuisance of
himself by flying rolls around the lumbering old bomber. The message for the
B-52 crew was, "Anything you can do, I can do better."
Not to be outdone, the bomber pilot announced that he would rise to the challenge.
The B-52 continued its flight, straight and level, however. Perplexed, the fighter
pilot asked, "So? What did you do?"
"We just shut down two engines."...
Down Range
The squad of recruits had been out to the rifle range for their first try
at marksmanship. They knelt at 300 meters and fired. Not a hit. They moved up
to 250 meters and fired. Not a hit. They tried at 200 meters. Not a hit. They
tried at 150 meters. Not a hit. They tried again at 100 meters. Not a hit. They
moved up to 50 meters. Not a hit. So they moved up to point blank range...
"Tenshun!" the sergeant barked, "Fix bayonets! Charge! It's your
only damn chance!" ...
Q&A
CO: "Smith, the first sergeant reports that bottle of rye and bottle
of ginger ale was found in your locker. What do you make of that?" Smith: "Highballs, sir!" ...
You know you're at New Mexico Military Institute when... ::: Military jokes
and humor daily...
Nothing happened
Russian military joke...
You might be a soldier if... ::: Military jokes and humor daily...
Chat
Two Marines were having a chat during their free time.
First Marine: Why did you join the Marine Corp?
Second Marine: I didn't have a wife and I love war. So I joined. How about you?
Why did you join the Corp?
First Marine: I had a wife and I love peace. So I joined...
Fort Campbell
When I was visiting a friend at Fort Campbell years ago, there was a marine
guard detail at the main gate. This struck me as kind of strange, as Fort Campbell
is an Army base. So I asked him. "Hey, why do they have Marines guarding
an Army base. You're not afraid those Army guys will carry it away, are you?"
He looked a little confused and said "No Sir. Most of them are pretty nice
guys." ...
Boot Camp Morning Intro
The drill sergeant making his morning announcements to a group of newcomers
at Parris Island Boot Camp Daily Training, stated: "Today, gentlemen, I
have some good news and some bad news. First, the good. Private Jones will be
setting the pace on our morning run.” With this the platoon was overjoyed,
as Private Jones was overweight and terribly slow. But then the drill sergeant
finished his statement: "Now for the bad news, Private Jones will be driving
my Hummer." ...
Newbies
New Marine Recruits walking along the road noticed a car stuck in a mud-filled
ditch. A dull Gunny Sergeant, identifiable by his 'Smokey the Bear' hat, was
attempting to free the vehicle by himself.
"Say, isn't that our drill instructor?" asked one of the group.
"Hey, it is," remarked another. "Think we should give him a hand?"
"Naw," replied the first Marine Newbie, "If he really wants his
car out of that ditch, he'll order it out."...
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