God give me strength! Imagine a company of REME trainees on the Arborfield parade square one fine
morning in 1970 and, as usual, we were a rag-tag outfit. The CSM walks on with
a bellow: "God give me strength.
At this, 2 Privates take one pace forward from the front rank and come to a
halt....
Insert this way up.
One day, after a regular live-ammo mortar practice, the mechanized infantry
company was sent out on the shooting range to collect shell fragments and other
non-biodegradable debris. The standard procedure was that the soldiers worked
in pairs, with both of them putting the collected debris in the other guy's
backpack to save time....
keywords: jokes and humor about military marine navy pilot soldier armed forces officer veteran fighter submarine australian russian
Say Again, Over Washington D.C., Clearance Delivery: "GAF269, you are cleared to destination
Indian Springs via after take off radar vectors to 4000 feet thereafter present
position direct BOM do not pass BOM at 6000 feet or below after passing 15000
feet turn right on heading 280 to intercept J156 direct ZZT thereafter intercept
j158 own navigation read back." ...
Military General
A military General walked into and a bank with six armed soldiers demanding
to see the Bank Manager. The attendent saw the armed men and the angry look
in the General's face and with shaking hands pointed at the manager's office.
...
Two Marines
Two Marines go on liberty. One goes to get drunk and the other goes to get
laid. The one Marine goes to the whore house and asks the Madame for a girl
and a room .She says plenty of girls but no room, so the Marine grabs a girl
and they go in search of a room. They finally find a door that leads to a roof
. They climb up on the peak and start getting it on, and they're gettin it and
they're gettin it and they slide off the roof and they're still gettin it. ...
After almost a full year at sea, a sailor comes ashore, gets drunk, and runs
down the street to a brothel. The old madam says, "All my girls are busy,
but I'll take care of you."...
NEW SUBMARINE WARFARE TEST SUCCESSFUL -- MEANS END TO COSTLY TORPEDOS
PEARL HARBOR -- The Navy has successfully conducted a new method of submarine
warfare by successfully sinking a Japanese fishing boat without the use of a
torpedo....
Reports
A Mexican newspaper reports that bored Royal Air Force pilots stationed on
the Falkland Islands have devised what they consider a marvelous new game. Noting
that the local penguins are fascinated by airplanes, the pilots search out a
beach where the birds are gathered and fly slowly along it at the water edge.
Perhaps ten thousand penguins turn their heads in unison watching
...
keywords: jokes and humor about military marine navy pilot soldier armed forces officer veteran fighter submarine australian russian
Three English gentlemen, all properly attired, were sitting in a train compartment
while traveling thru the English countryside. All three busily engrossed in
reading their London Times. Naturally, not having been properly introduced,
they did not speak to each other. The quiet in the compartment was disturbing....
The reporter met the troop ship bring back demobilized soldiers after World
War II. He wanted to write a human interest story, and asked one soldier, "What's
the first thing you'll do when you get home?" ...
Syrian Soldier An Australian journalist was stopped at a Syrian Checkpoint in the bullet-pocked
suburb of West Beirut. The Syrian soldier said "Get out of the car and
open the boot!", to which the Australian replied "I'm sorry, but the
handbrake on the car is broken. I can't take my foot off the brake or it'll
roll back down the hill". So the Syrian says "Do you take me for a
FOOL?!", as he slides into the passenger seat, and stamps his big boot
onto the brake pedal....
keywords: jokes and humor about military marine navy pilot soldier armed forces officer veteran fighter submarine australian russian
VETERAN SOLDIER OF THE FALKLANDS WAR A British officer spotted a "busker" (street singer/bum) at the bottom
of the escalator of the London Underground. The busker had a sign which read:
"VETERAN SOLDIER OF THE FALKLANDS WAR." The officer thought, "Poor
chap, I was there and it was awful!" Feeling sorry for a fellow veteran,
the officer took 20 pounds out of his wallet and gave it to the busker. The
officer was then greeted with a hearty: "Gracias, Senor!!" ...
You know you've been brainwashed by the Navy when...
... you even salute officers in civilian clothes...
Russian military joke Two soldiers are late returning from their leave, and now they’re standing
before their sergeant: ...
At the finals of the National Poetry Competition the two finalist were an unlikely
pair. Finalist number one was a Harvard educated professor of literature and
the winner of several previous competitions. Finalist number two was a young
Marine Lcpl. from the hills of West Virginia who needed help filling out the
entry form....
A soldier requested a two-day leave, as he was to become a father in the near
future. When he returned to the base a sergeant asked:
- Was it a boy or girl?
- I don't know yet. I'll let you know in about 9 months. ...
Back in 1775, in Tun's Tavern, recruiting started for the new Marine Corps.
The very first Marine enlistee came in, signed the papers and took an oath.
He was then told to go outside and wait for the other enlistee's to go through
the process. They would assemble later on the front yard....
70 Reasons why McDonald's is better than the Navy. Military humor & jokes. ...
You may be a shipmate if... Military humor & jokes....
In Fighter Pilot Heaven. Military humor & jokes. ...
Historical Military Humor
Which two are you?...
Serious Sea Duty The following tale is from the history of the oldest commissioned war ship
in the world, the USS Constitution. It comes by way of the National Park Service,
as printed in "Oceanographic Ships, Fore and Aft", a periodical from
the oceanographer of the US Navy. ...
Second Lieutenant's First Combat Mission A Marine Captain was taking a first tour Second Lieutenant copilot out on his
first mission in the CH-46. The pilot said, "I will do all the flying since
this is your first combat mission. When we get into the zone, I will tell you
to open the ramp. That is so the grunts can run out the back. After we lift
out of the zone, I will tell you to close the ramp. That is all you have to
do on this mission. Do you understand?" ...
Gentlemen: ...
Fighter Pilot He was a ragged looking old man who shuffled into the bar that afternoon. Stinking
of whiskey and cigarettes, his hands shook as he took the "Piano Player
Wanted" sign from the window and gave it to the bartender. "I'd like
to apply for the job," he said. ...
WHEN THE NAVY was developing helicopters in the 1950s to track submarines,
our Florida-based test squadron had to be innovative. Because the copters lacked
sufficient lifting power with test equipment on board, weight was reduced by
removing the metal skin from the aircraft. The result was an aerial apparition
of two rotors connected with a frame of pipes, an engine and a pilot sitting
in the open air. Once, a test pilot had to make an emergency landing in a field,
and a farmer drove out in his pickup to investigate. He walked slowly around
the helicopter and then said to the pilot...
Russian Military Joke
A Vietnamese jet fighter pilot is flying his MiG-17 near enemy positions when
he sees a Phantom appearing out of nowhere and locking in on him. He pulls out
his manual, quickly scans it, and then presses a yellow button. The next moment
he sees a cloud of smoke and metallic rubble, the leftovers of the Phantom.
...
keywords: jokes and humor about military marine navy pilot soldier armed forces officer veteran fighter submarine australian russian
Jump School
A young man joined the Army and signed up with the paratroopers. He went though
the standard training, completed the practice jumps from higher and higher structures,
and finally went to take his first jump from an airplane. ...
NAVAL AVIATION MECHANIC'S TOOLS.... and their usage....
HAMMER: Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays is used
as a kind of divining rod to locate expensive parts not far from the object
we are trying to hit. ...
AT OUR NAVY induction physical, we were handed a lengthy questionnaire to fill
out. One section listed dozens of diseases, with the notation: "Do you
have or have you ever had any of the following?" An especially nervous
inductee apparently misunderstood the question and checked off nearly all the
disorders. The doctor, a full commander, picked up the young sailor's questionnaire
...
keywords: jokes and humor about military marine navy pilot soldier armed forces officer veteran fighter submarine australian russian