A Marine Captain was taking a first tour Second Lieutenant copilot out on his first mission in the CH-46. The pilot said, "I will do all the flying since this is your first combat mission. When we get into the zone, I will tell you to open the ramp. That is so the grunts can run out the back. After we lift out of the zone, I will tell you to close the ramp. That is all you have to do on this mission. Do you understand?"
The Second Lieutenant said, "Yes Sir!"
The CH-46 was loaded with grunts and the pilot took off for the LZ. Overhead, the helicopter started taking automatic weapons fire. The pilot spiraled down into the zone. As they were flaring the gunners were firing into the elephant grass, the pilot had his .45 out and was shooting out both cockpit side windows. He shouted, "Lower the Ramp!" He looked over and the copilot was just sitting there.
The pilot put down his .45 and reached up and hit the ramp toggle switch to the open position, picked up his .45 and again fired out of the side windows. The two gunners were firing max rate.
When the last grunt was running off the ramp, the pilot pulled up collective
and shouted over the intercom, "Close the ramp!" He looked over to
see the copilot just sitting there looking straight ahead. So he laid his .45
in his
lap and reached up to close the ramp.
Several minutes later when heading for Da Nang, the pilot said, "I gave you only two things to do on this insert and you didn't do either one of them. I want to know why in the hell you didn't obey my commands back there!"
The copilot peered over at the pilot and said, "Do I bother you when you're
taking a shit?"