2008-05-15T03:32:28Z Validall Copyright 2008, Validall SPHPBLOG
Brantley boosily invited his commander to "drink some wine with a soldier."

"My boy, you have no time for drinking wine," Washington remarked, turning away.

"Damn your proud soul," Brantley cried. "You're above drinking with soldiers."

"Come, I will drink with you," replied Washington, turning back to take a drink.

"Give it to your servants," Brantley suggested, nodding to Washington's aides.

"Now," Brantley declared, having retreived his empty pitcher, "I'll be damned if I don't spend the last drop of my heart's blood for you."

[Source: History of America - A New Age Now Begins: A People's History of the American Revolution (1-4)]

Washington, George (1732-99), US general and statesman, 1st (unanimously elected) president of the United States (1789-97), member of Virginia's House of Burgesses (1759-74), commander in chief of the American forces during the Revolutionary war, chairman of the Constitutional Convention (1787) [noted for his military brilliance during the Seven Years' (1756-63) and Revolutionary wars (defeating, with French aid, General Cornwallis at Yorktown in 1781)]
]]> http://miljokes.com/index.php?entry=entry080418-224304 2008-04-18T00:00:00Z 2008-04-18T00:00:00Z
"Ames"
"Here!"

"Jenson"
"Here!"

"Jones"
"Here!"

"Magersky"
"Here!"

"Seeback"
" -- "

"Seeback!"
" -- "

"SEEBACK!!!"
" -- "

At that point, someone whispered into the first sergeant's ear. He looked again at what the last name really said, quickly turned over the list and continued calling the names printed on the other side.
]]> http://miljokes.com/index.php?entry=entry080414-223948 2008-04-14T00:00:00Z 2008-04-14T00:00:00Z
The soldier is allowed to begin swimming without a special order of his seargant if the depth of the water he is marching in is more than half a meter.
]]> http://miljokes.com/index.php?entry=entry080410-223740 2008-04-10T00:00:00Z 2008-04-10T00:00:00Z
I have a problem. I have two brothers. One brother is a boatswain in the Navy, the other was put to death in the electric chair for a gruesome multiple murder. My mother died from insanity caused by syphilis when I was three years old. My sisters are prostitutes, and my father sells narcotics to high school students. Recently I met a girl who was just released from prison. She was sentenced for smothering her illegitimate child to death. I want to marry her.
My problem is - if I marry this girl, should I tell her about my brother who is a Boatswain Mate.?

Sign Dilemma
]]> http://miljokes.com/index.php?entry=entry080404-223354 2008-04-04T00:00:00Z 2008-04-04T00:00:00Z ]]> http://miljokes.com/index.php?entry=entry080329-222944 2008-03-29T00:00:00Z 2008-03-29T00:00:00Z
John Pimpernell's forthcoming book _Soiled Doves of Gettysburg_ dispells many of the myths surrounding Lee's invasion of Pennsylvania. Pimpernell's opening chapter deals with the myth surrounding the allegations of Confederate cavalry rounding up 'ex-slaves'. Pimpernell provides evidence that the gray-clad riders were actually intent on rounding up 'sex slaves'.

The scouring of bordellos for available women was all part of a secret plan concocted by Confederate President Jefferson Davis and Gen. Robert E. Lee to raise an army of loyal rebels deep behind Yankee lines. The plan called for Lee's 75,000 soldiers to find willing partners to whom they could pass along their Southern genes, following which Lee would fall back to Virginia and assume a defensive position for the next 14 years, at which time the products of this brief liason would presumably be old enough to serve in the Confederate army. This army of southern youthdom would then sweep down on the rear of the unsuspecting Army of the Potomac, most of whose soldiers would now be in their forties, and drive them from the sacred soil of Virginia.

The plan began to unravel when a detachment of Gen. A.P. Hill's corps, sent to Gettysburg to get some 'booties', ran into the advance guard of the Union army near a house of ill-repute known locally as 'The Seminary'. Hill himself was absent for much of the battle since he was trying his best to carry out his commander's orders regarding the spreading of sacred Confederate seed. The evidence presented by Pimpernell also suggests that Law's and Pickett's divisions were delayed due to missing their wake-up call.

Following Lee's defeat at Gettysburg the Confederate army limped back to Virginia having only partially accomplished their intended goal. Lee's inability to hold out for the required 14 years (certainly possible if Gen. Meade had been left in charge) left the product of the Gettysburg campaign unable to acheive it's intended purpose. Thus thousands of young would-be Confederates settled near Lancaster, Pa., where they were adopted by accomodating Amish families who raised them as their own. This worked out very well due to their predisposed love of horses and tendancy to wear beards and broad-brimmed hats. The entire plan was deftly covered up by former Confederate Gen. Jubal Early who drew attention away from the true objectives of the campaign with a series of diversionary attacks against former comrade-in-arms James Longstreet.
]]> http://miljokes.com/index.php?entry=entry080323-223147 2008-03-23T00:00:00Z 2008-03-23T00:00:00Z
All of our units are currently busy assisting other customers in various trouble-spots around the world.
When you hear the beep, please leave the name of your country, region of the crisis, and a number where we can reach you.
As soon as we finish cleaning up the Balkans, Afghanistan, Iraq, N. Korea, Indonesia, Philippines, Malaysia, Saudi Arabia, Iran ... well you get the picture, and our compulsory "Consideration of the Feelings of Others" orientation classes, we'll be happy to return your call.

For more options, please press one now.
(beep)

If your crisis is small, immediate in nature, under-funded, and close to the ocean, press 1 for the United States Marine Corps Special Recon Forces.

If your crisis is distant, with a mild climate and good hotels, and can be solved by one of two low-risk, high-altitude bombing runs, press 2 for the United States Air Force.

If your crisis can be resolved with a bit of gray flannel, flags, and a really good marching band, press 3 for the United States Navy. Please note that Tomahawk Missile service is extremely limited and will be provided on a first-come first-serve basis.

If your crisis is not urgent, press 4 for the Rapid Deployment Force.

If you just want troops to occupy your country, get drunk at the local bars, fuck your women, run over your civilians with their vehicles, piss on your fire hydrants, and in general be a royal pain in the ass, press 5 for the United States Army.

If you're in real trouble, press 6 for the United States Marine Corp Command Center. Your request will be processed as soon as the compulsory credit check is completed. Please note that the USMC Command Center may bill your account at any time, and the actual specifics of the charges will be highly classified.

If you'd like to join the U.S. Marines, where you'll be shouted at for low pay, have your wife and family stationed miles from civilization, and are prepared to work long hours, risk your life, in all kinds of weather and terrain, while watching congress constantly erode your pay and benefits package, please stay on the line. A bitter, passed-over Marine Recruiter in an old strip mall down by the post office will be with you shortly.

Thank you for calling the U.S. Armed Forces Hotline.

]]> http://miljokes.com/index.php?entry=entry080323-222659 2008-03-23T00:00:00Z 2008-03-23T00:00:00Z Experiment

A private is standing at an aquarium. Sergeant says to him:
- What the heck are you doing?
- I am experimenting on superiority of higher mind over lower. See, I look straight at the fish, then I point my eyes to the right- they swim to the right. I point to the left- they swim to the left.
- Get the hell outa here and wait outside.
There have been a coupla hours and the sergeant is still in. Finally the private dares to look in. So he finds his sergeant opening and closing his mouth monotonically.
]]> http://miljokes.com/index.php?entry=entry080318-222403 2008-03-18T00:00:00Z 2008-03-18T00:00:00Z ]]> http://miljokes.com/index.php?entry=entry080222-235703 2008-02-22T00:00:00Z 2008-02-22T00:00:00Z
From: C. Fadiman, ed., Bartlett's Anecdotes

Dayan, Moshe (1915-81), Israeli minister of defense (1967, 1969-74) and foreign minister (1977-79)
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